Daunting Fires (Completed)

Part Two of "Fears"

In the blink of an eye, I'm high up in the air. I look over my shoulder and see that I'm thousands of feet above the ground. I'm on a roller coaster.

My roller coaster seat is the only one on the ride apart from a dark, torn one several feet ahead. I'm not sure of it's importance but I feel like I'm about to grasp it's meaning when the roller coaster begins to work.

My seat advances forward and I'm about to go straight downhill. I close my eyes, trying to contain the fear pounding in my stomach. The anticipation is crumbling me as the coaster rockily moves forward. I open my eyes and I'm at the edge of a downhill slope.

I start screaming and laughing. The feeling in my stomach is exactly like I thought it'd be. And what scares me is that I'm not sure if I like it. Or if it's even ok to like it. The wavy curbs thrash me back and forth, sending me into a thrill of excitement and fear. It oddly reminds me of Eric.

I suddenly know what this fear is all about.

You don't like him, I tell myself. You don't like this roller coaster. My words may or may not be true. I'm not even sure. But what matters is ending the fear and moving on.

I succeed because now I'm in a cold room that's all concrete. There's a metallic tray holding a gun in the center of the room with a light hanging above it. All the corners of the room are dark. Then, I see figures walking towards me in the center.

"Xedalia, we've missed you!" I gasp when I feel my brothers arms around my waist. It feels like a dream. I look at my mother and she smiles warmly. "We can't stay...," Mom says. I nod, feeling sorrowful.

"But you have to do something." I look up and she's handing me the gun. I don't know what I'm supposed to do until I see Kirone pointing to his forehead with his small index finger. My eyes widen.

"No." I walk to a corner of the room trying to find an escape. " No, no, no." I've looked in all the corners and found no exit.

"You have to do it to get out of this." I look at Kirone's dark eyes. He looks neutral, as if he doesn't know what it really means to get shot. As if it doesn't mean he'll die.

"This isn't real," I tell myself. I blink, but the fear isn't over. I'm still holding a gun. I subconsciously know that I'm being timed.

"Go ahead." My mother stares me square in the eyes. I need to get past this but I don't want to. How would I live with myself?

I take a deep breathe and aim to my brother's head. "I- I'm sorry." I aim to his head and close my eyes. I pull the trigger. The noise makes me jump. I open my eyes.

Kirone's young body is lifeless and it's because of me. I think I might vomit. A pool blood forms around his head.

"Honey," my mom says. "Now me." I look at her teary eyed.

This isn't real.

I pull the trigger after aiming at my mothers skull. I can't bear to look as I do it but I open my eyes afterwards and I'm in the simulation room with Four.

I'm shaking violently and I cross my arms to try and hide it. I get out of the chair. For a minute it's quiet as Four furrows his brows. "Your time. You know what it is?"

"W-what?" I look at my feet.

"Take a guess," he says sternly. I'm not sure if he really wants numbers but I would say it took hours.

"7:43." I raise my eyebrows. It didn't feel that short. I wonder if he's intending that I did too well. "Usually people get 12 or so minutes." Now he's staring me down. I look away cowardly.

He walks to the door to open it and I slide out as the next person enters.

A pale Cece motions for me to go sit beside her. Before I even do, she asks, "what were yours?"

I clutch my arms to me, hoping the shaking will go away. "Bugs, losing people I love, normal stuff," I say. I don't tell her anything precise because I'm scared she'll know what I am. I don't know how she feels about Divergents. A part of me doesn't give a crap about what people have to say about me. But another prays that I won't get caught and executed.