Metanoia: A Change of Heart

Chapter XXXXXV ~ Joshua

The drive was fast. I saw a message from my mother on where I was but I did not reply because I reached our block and stopped right infront of our gate, not minding to park it in the garage. May opened the front door quickly as if she was staying there all night. Mom and Dad were already on the dining table with the food. "Josh," Mom said with hidden relief. 'Thankfully, I thought you drowned because of a broken heart. You still have a bright future ahead!' I somehow imagined her saying at the back of her mind.

"Let's eat!" Dad changed the atmosphere into a happy one.

I ate discreetly, making no move to make my fingers be noticed. I used my left hand all the time praying they would not notice my sudden change of dominance. The food was spaghetti that's why I did not have a hard time to finish my food. "So, how's graduation going?" They tried to talk about random things, but they were avoiding one certain topic: Thonia. They were acting like everything was doing fine, I did too, but inside I was far like it. Another day passed without answers.

My phone vibrated on my pocket. I was thinking it was just either of my friends checking on me, could be Fredd or Kennard or Stephen...

Or Thonia.

One dining etiquette we practice since I was a kid was 'No phone while dining,' but this time I had to skip it for a while. I was surprised when it was really from Thonia! I rejoiced so much that I got so depressed when I saw the message: A simple thumbs up sticker. That was it. She had opened our messages already, I was hoping she just needed some time to read or hear all my messages for her. After a long while, or desperate seconds, I had the urge to send another thumbs up, just for her to feel ignored, but I could not do that even after all she had done. Thones, I typed. No reply but she had seen it.

My mom coughed but my father did nothing to support her to scold me for disobeying dining manners. Somehow I felt he understood. "I'm sorry," I said and buried my phone back in my pocket. I just finished the food in my plate and stood. "I'm done," I forced a smile. "I need to..." I had enough lying so I just excused myself without reasoning. They looked at me with worried faces but I continued walking up to my room and locked the door. I did not bother to open my lamp; with the lights off and the early dusk, the glow-in-the-dark stars in my room shone brighter.

I got my phone again and sat on the floor, my back leaning on my door. No other replies from her. I reread it thrice before sending. She immediately saw the message which meant our conversation was open.

"Thones, please tell me. If you needed time or space, I will wait for you. I just need to know. Please. I will wait for another day, weeks, months. I will for you because I love you. But I need to know why or what I am waiting for. I need to talk to you."

My heart beat faster. I hoped she would explain tonight, but not over the phone. However there was no way I would see her tonight. I spent hours staring at the conversation on my screen. I wanted to message her more but I was afraid she'd find me annoying and would eventually think she had the right decision to ignore me for the rest of her life.

Sleep slowly drifted me, I wanted to lay down on the comfort of my bed, but I realized I still hadn't changed my clothes. I was about to remove my shirt when my phone vibrated. I got it and saw a new message from Thonia.

Josh.

I received the messaged. I clutched on my screen with jagged breathing. It was followed by another longer message:

I need to see you at mindnight. I'll be waiting Somewhere.

~

Many things happen in the middle of the night.