Metanoia: A Change of Heart

Chapter XXXXXVI ~ Thonia

"All packed and set," I said while zipping one of my travelling bags. I sat on the side of my bed and forced a smile down to my slippers. There was no backing down. There was no cancel or eject button. There was no Quit tab unlike playing Metacosmos or other video games. This is the real life and what's left is the play button.

Mom successfully crammed a bigger trunk and sat beside me. "Your uncle's family seems to be nice, I'll pray they will treat you as their own." She started giving advises and lectures she had already said a hundred times before. "Don't worry; we'll keep you updated when we will be able to move there with your brothers, probably one of us at a time. We'll talk about it as soon as possible once Jack returned from his training in Thailand."

I nodded and clenched my hands because I saw they were trembling. "I just hope I can stay for few more hours, just for graduation." I imagined the faces of my friends and batchmates. Would they be sad that I would not be there to sing our graduation song together? Don't be silly, Thonia. The doctor said you should stop singing. Oh, right. It could make my suffering worse. A touch from my hand woke me up from my nightmarish daydream.

"I'm sorry, Thones. If only we could find a slot but all the other flights are fullybooked, you know this time of the year. Most people are on summer break already."

"I know, Mom. I'm just being ridiculous again, that's all."

She pulled closer and tugged me in a hug by her shoulder. I liked to pull back but I could not. I miss this sense of calm and assurance. "You can spend the rest of the day saying goodbye to your friends. Might take a while before you see each other again."

I shook my head and closed my eyes. Lucky that I was below her, she could not see my face. I tried to pull my voice as normal as possible. "They'll probably be busy preparing for later." Besides, I did not really want to say goodbye. Only Josh knew where I was going and I regretted the moment I told him... made it a lot harder to leave. "You'll return, Thonia. You will come back." Josh's words lingered in my ears and I pretended that he was the one holding me at the moment, telling me to stay, that he could cure me all by his love.

"We'll miss you, Princess." Tears started to form in my eyes the moment I heard those words. I thought that was him, but my mom caressed my hair. "You'll get well, okay? Promise us that you'll stay strong. For yourself and for us."

I tightened my eyes and ordered the tears to go back in until I felt my eyes dry. I am Thonia. I am stronger than tears. I can make it.

A knock pulled reality back in an aching force. Jude entered with my Uncle Francis and his wife. "Francis, you're so early." Mom slowly supported me to sit up. While their attentions were busy on the conversation they were having, I took the time to fix my remaining things and discreetly wipe my tears. I cleared my desk and side tables. My heart sank when I opened the drawer beside my bed. My watch with two entwined hearts was lying on the empty space, got lonely every hour until I took it.

"Thonia?" Jude patted my shoulder. My aunt, uncle and mom were around my bed, waiting for my reply. "Are these the only things you will bring?"

I nodded. "Yes. Yes, Jude."

"Right." He stepped back but did not look away. "Have the safest flight, Thones."

"Thanks. You'll follow, right?"

He smiled and nodded. "Hopefully you'll get well so soon before we even get our Visa and passports."

I hugged him.

~

The sunset was like piercing goodbyes and screaming farewells. I sat on the side walk just in front of our house to wait for time to pass by. Uncle Francis went to the airport two hours before our flight to do his business and settle everything. Mom told him I needed to take a little more time and she will drive me to the airport with Jude. I did not protest because I still was not ready to leave all of a sudden.

My phone's battery got very low after I received several calls and messages. Among them, nothing from Joshua. I answered the latest call despite the battery warning. "Thonia! Finally! Where in the hellish world are you? The graduation's starting!"

They're starting this early? "Why? Why now? I mean what's going on? I thought it won't start until seven."

"That's what we also thought! Well, everyone is complete except for you and the valedictorian. Don't tell me you're with Josh because clearly, you'll miss the whole event."

It took a moment before I reply. Josh was not yet there? "I'm not with Josh. Where is he?"

"He's here already! Where are you? This isn't funny. We are about to walk in the procession!"

I felt relieved. "Asaila, listen to me." I composed myself and tried to collect my thoughts for three minutes. "Asaila, first of all, don't panic alright? Your make up will wear off and your toga will get perspired. You don't like that, do you?"

"What are you talking about? How can I not panic—?"

"No, wait, second, Josh will explain everything." I recalled the content of the book I gave Josh. "But give him time after tonight, okay? You have to enjoy tonight."

"What's going on?"

I ignored her and finished. "Lastly, know I'm not the best bestfriend in the world. I apologize for that and thank you. Thank you for everything. I love you."

My phone shut.