Where I Stand

Kyle (pt 1)

"Alright, why don't you start off by telling me a little about yourself, hm?" he looked up at me. I honestly felt uncomfortable telling a balding, middle-aged, male therapist named Steven about my life.

I sighed, "Well, I guess you could say I had a pretty screwed up childhood." He jotted down a couple of notes and waited for me to continue.

"You see, I've always wanted to be a boy," I went on," and it's become a slight problem, now seeing how puberty has had its way with me." Steven nodded and pushed up his thick-rimmed glasses. 

"Before, I got older that is, my parents simply thought it was the whole tomboy phase, but now we're certain it's not." I said.

"Hmm...when did you know you were sure you wanted to be a boy?" he asked tapping his pen on his clipboard. His gaze was intimidating, so I switched my focus onto the grey wisps of hair hovering over his partially bald head. 

"Well, it became more than just playing like the boys; it was looking like them, dressing like them and talking like them." I went on to list more.

"I see; how did your parents respond to this?" he asked peaking over his glasses.

"Foster parents," I corrected, "anyway, they just thought I was emulating them to seem cool, but when we came to a clear understanding, they put the blame on themselves." I looked behind Steven's head at a poster that read: 'THERAPY IS GOOD!' Well it honestly doesn't feel good, I thought.

Steven's low, booming voice broke through my thought,"What were they saying caused it?" he questioned, cocking his head to the side a little.

"First they said it was the fact that they chose Kyle as my English name, from Soo Min," I sighed, "they also said it was the fact that I have six brothers, which was my main influence." 

"Kyle, I want to ask you a very difficult question." Steven said. I nodded; he took a deep breath, "What is your sexual preference?" There was a long pause before I said anything. I'd never thought about that..., I thought.

"Umm...I've never really thought about it, sorry." Maybe I'm like bi or something...I guess. Steven nodded, smiled, and stood up.

"I think we'll just stop here today, thank you for your time Kyle." He shook my hand and showed me to the door. I hurried down to the lobby where my mom was waiting for me. 

"How'd it go?" she asked with a smile.

"Great." I lied through my teeth. Lying was becoming almost natural to me I couldn't tell what was a lie and what was the truth.

"I think this'll actually work for you." She said heading out to the parking lot. 

"So...how come dad didn't come?" I asked feeling a little...let down.

"He had to take Joan to work, besides, Mike's in the car." She waved towards the car as giddy as a toddler. 

Mike, I thought; the last person I wanted to be here "supporting" me. What the hell was a step-father who hadn't even known me for 4 months going to do anyway? The only connection I had with his was mom; otherwise, he was just some bum off the street to me.

"How nice of him to come." I said dripping in sarcasm, my favorite. The entire ride home was silent after that, with the exception of the air blowing through the vents. 

Once home, I ran upstairs, slammed my door and locked it. Why the hell did I have to be so appreciative of him? He'd never helped me in my life...all he did wad complicate it even more by taking the place of the person I love the most, my father. Luckily my brothers were already away for college so they didn't have to put up with this character.