The Secret Guide to Flanking..

Aren't Half Terms Just Great?, Part One - Effie

Date: 14th April 2013, Sunday

Friday, we all went to town again. Josh seemed off, again. It's almost like he knows about Luke and Aria, when he's with her it seems like he tries his best but can't seem to get through to her, it's sad really but surely he could take a hint? He could at least take the hint of 'Oh hey there, I'm really into you, yeah, my name? Effie, the one who tries to spark up conversations with you and fails, epically. Every. Single. Time.' That could work.

On another note, why is it suddenly so hot? It was snowing this time last month, anyway...

Well, since I started college in September, there's a guy who got on my bus, different college but, oh my, so hot. Anyway, I've spent so long, since I started college really back in September, trying to find out what 'bus guy's' name is. Alan knew all this time and told me on Friday, so yeah, sort of completely over the moon! He wears awesome hats and has awesome longish brown hair that he always pushes out of his massive awesome brown eyes, and the snake bites, oh my! I remember this one time when we were getting on the bus (because we get on at the sam stop) he was on the first step to get on, he actually got off to let me get on first, such a gentleman! And he sometimes sits in front of me and this other time, we stood for like a whole minute telling each other they could go first, in all honesty, I just wanted to stare at his arse in the tight jeans he wears, oh wow. I haven't properly formally spoken to him yet though, but when I do, a new potential flanking partner, hopefully, maybe, please?!

We sort of had to make up a lie on Friday morning as to why we weren't going to town. Alan kept asking us to go with his friend but, let's be honest, I'm not fond of his friend and I had the worst cold you could imagine from being out in the rain on Thursday in shorts, tights, a vest top and a hoodie. Oh and a beanie, can't forget the beanie. But yeah, moving on, we couldn't be bothered most importantly. So we lied. And we are awesome at it! So we were both still sat in bed, well Aria in her bed, me on my floor mattress, and we were coming up with ideas, you know, the usual illness, accidents and bus problems excuses, then Aria and her genius skills came up with the best idea ever! We ended up telling Alan that Aria's dog ran away. He asked us if we wanted help and we said no because we already had help trying to find him, our plan worked! We planned to carry it on the whole day, saying we spent all afternoon looking for him, then came the news that Josh was out, we sprung out of bed, got dressed, make up on and out the door. Nothing was going to stop me seeing him, even after just half a day I begin to miss him again. It's bad, I know, but I can't help the way I feel.

Saturday, nothing happened. Spent the day in the house, with my sister, singing to my dog. I had a good moan to everyone I spoke to about life but that always happens anyway. I watched Sleeping with Sirens interviews and wished that one day I'll meet them, because Kellin Quinn is amazing and always will be and my heart will always belong to him.

Sunday, a day for relaxing before the hustle and bustle of life in the week. Not! I spend nearly three hours on an English essay, not fun.

"Eff, you need to get it done, stop dodging it!"

"But Mum! It's boring, here, listen to this song you'll like it." And that's how you get out of working.

I did my nails today too, now they're all green and sparkly, it was a treat for myself after working so hard on my essay. That was fun, took my mind off Josh for an hour or so.

Saturday night, I was texting a drunk Josh, he was at a wedding and was all suited up and I couldn't really stop thinking about how absolutely gorgeous he would look. He promised me pictures today but probably forgot. It's a shame that the only time I feel like I can talk to him properly is when he's drunk, he's more open and talkative when he's had a few drinks, not always a good think to like someone who drinks a lot but I can't help him, he has a sweet, good guy exterior but inside he seems like a complete bad boy, which I love. When I went for good guys in the past they were wet blankets, wouldn't fight, didn't have any passion, bad boys are completely the opposite. They have a fire in their belly and if they really love a girl they will fight for her and treat her right. This is the good kind of bad boy, not the kind of bad boy who sleeps around and treat girls like crap. No, the good kind of bad boy, the bad boy who gets drunk at least once a week and knows how to have a good time, has tattoos and piercings and sings in a band. The bad boy who is contemplating dropping out of college and just building himself up from the bottom. The bad boy who has the potential to fall in love and break down his hard edge. That would be perfect.

But right now? Right now, somehow I'm happy. I have no shitty under thoughts of when I self-harmed or when no matter how much I tried I couldn't think a single happy thought. When I would fake a smile all day because I felt bad if people failed to cheer me up when they tried their best, it wasn't them, it was me, I was in a bad place and now I feel like I'm getting out of it. It's a slow process but I'm building a bridge, brick by boring brick, it's boring yeah, but it's worth it. The boring part of it is sitting alone in my room and making sure I know exactly who I can trust and who I can't, and deciding how to go about small things, but planning is the best thing and it means I won't get hurt again, hopefully. This time I want to do everything right. Go on a couple of dates before I enter a relationship. Say 'I love you' after a few weeks together. Be mature and grown up about a relationship, something serious not just something that people view as they do everyone else, they won't last long. After all, 187- Don't date someone you can't see yourself marrying. If you can't you're using them.

Eff xx

#WtfIsTwerking?!