All The Same

I'll Be Around

This is our fork in the road
There's nowhere to go
Now it's up to me to bow out gracefully
Though you hold the key
But whenever you call me, I'll be there

-The Spinners, I'll Be Around

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The next morning, he woke up with a massive hangover. He could barely open his eyes and grunted as he tried to get up but felt a throbbing headache, that he gave up and laid back down.

He reached for his phone on the nightstand when it rang.

"Good morning buddy. I'm in front of your house."

"I can't handle any shit right now, Ren. Go home. I'm dozing off for a few hours or so."

"K."

Yoh let his phone slide from his hands and just as he placed his forearms over his eyes, he heard footsteps.

"Told you to leave, Ren. I'm in no condition to kid around."
"Coffee and aspirin on the table, for your hangover." A voice he'd recognized anywhere.

He tried to sit up for the second time but failed.

"Take it easy, will you?"
"Sorry Anna, it won't happen again."
"Let me know if you need anything."

Well, I need you. He whispered.

"What?"
"Oh, nothing. I'm okay. Thank you."

And that about sums me up. I am miserable. I am desperate, and I couldn't figure out how I ended up in this state. Maybe it's the liquor talking. In that case, memo to me: never drink too much alcohol again. I wonder how long I can stay sober if this keeps up?

I'm still thinking about what Ren said... these feelings I have for Anna are the only ones I'm holding on to. But I am grasping at straws. Still...

Yoh sighed inwardly. He knew what he had to do.

I guess I really love her this much.

Dinner was set, table for two as always by 7:00 PM. Something was different about him though; and for some reason, she can tell. She must've grown accustomed to his antics, and this came as a surprise to her. All she knows is that she's keeping her part of the bargain. She doesn't care what he does. Or does she?

"Are you alright?" His wife asked. Yoh usually started the conversation, a cheerful one at that too. But today, he's just...well, not himself.
"No." He replied, his voice devoid of emotion. "I'm tired Anna."
"Okay. I'll help you to bed."
"No, Anna. I'm tired...of this." Yoh rested his forehead on his clasped hands.
"What do you want to do?"
"I'm leaving this place first thing in the morning. Don't worry about the contract, I will fix everything...as promised."
"I thought we agreed not to talk about this anymore? Was it something I said? Something I've done or didn't do?"
"No. I just love you so much I couldn't bear seeing you this way. I know you've tried...and I sincerely thank you for that, but..."
"It's not enough."
"You're more than enough for me, Anna. But I'm not for you. I don't think I'll ever be." His voice broke yet he tried to keep it together. "And I understand, that is why I'm doing this - this is not where you want to be. I want what's best for you, even if it means I won't get to see you again." He continued.

It took a lot to say those words and it hurts, but I had to. Then...

"You begged me to stay last night, don't you remember?"

...why...is she still trying to fight this?

"Yes.. And the truth is, I'm done begging. I'm an Asakura, I should start acting like one."

She wasn't able to come up with any retort.

Well, Anna, isn't this what you wanted? For him to finally give up? So what are you waiting for? Say something!

No words came. Maybe it was the way he said it, or the way he looked into her eyes with such contempt and conviction that she decided it was best to keep her mouth shut. What has she done this time that made him upset? She honestly couldn't think of any. She did what was asked of her, with flying colors and yet... just what the hell happened?

"What is it that you want from me, Anna?"

It wasn't even an argument, but it was the one question she hasn't figured out the answer to, yet. The question she was constantly dodging, and the question he reluctantly, had to ask.

Perhaps, it was out of annoyance, or avoidance, that she stood up and left for her room. He mentally laughed at himself.

Now I've really done it. Bravo. It's time to wallow in eternal melancholy.

He stayed seated for a few more minutes until he decided it was best to leave tonight. He didn't need - or want to get some of his things, or check on her.

She's persistent, he'd give her that.

"Where are you going?" She stood by the door.
"Somewhere you're not." He hastily answered.
"Please don't leave. I'm sorry for whatever it is that I've done. I'll make it up to you."
"Just...don't."
"I love you. Ok?"
"No, you don't."

So with one last look at what he had called home for the past months, and to the silhouette of his one and only love, he walked away with a heavy heart.