Limbo - Lee Know

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Author's Note: Listen to the song while reading for a better experience :)

You didn't know it then, that this would be the last time...

That afternoon, Lee Know had laced his fingers through yours as you walked along the Han River. It were moments like these when you felt the happiest and the most peaceful. But as you turn to him, you realised that something's wrong. He'd been quieter than usual, but you thought nothing of it—until he stopped mid-step, his grip tightening. 

"What's wrong?", you asked. He hesitated, then forced a smile. "Nothing. Just... memorizing this." You laughed, brushing it off. "We'll come back tomorrow."

But he didn't answer. 

Lee Know was someone who wasn't the same everyday. There were days when he was laughing and joking around, making you feel happy. But some days, he felt closed off and silent, and you understood that. In fact, you felt grateful that he is able to show you his true self. You were always with him, on good and bad days. So when he didn't answer you and just walked with you in silence, you didn't think much of it. Little did you know, that it was truly the last time you'd see him.

A week later, he was gone...

Not 'gone' gone—he still showed up to schedules, still joked with the members. You saw each other in the hallways of the JYP building, as you both rushed to your practices. But at times, when you reached for him, he flinched. When you asked why, he'd murmur, "It's better this way," and slip out of your grasp like smoke.

The breakup was very abrupt, and you never understood why it happened. You asked the other boys about Lee Know, about the reason for your breakup. But no one knew what went in his mind, not even Chan. The boys tried countless times to talk to Lee Know about you, but he always got annoyed when topic came up and brushed it off.

You'd replay that last walk endlessly, searching for clues in the way his thumb had brushed your knuckles, in his "memorising this" that now sounded like a goodbye. But every single time, you only felt lost and couldn't understand what came up between you two.

Then the nightmares started. You'd see him in fragments—his back as he walked away, the ghost of his laugh echoing, the scent of his cologne clinging to your sheets. You'd wake up reaching for him, only to clutch empty air. 

One night, you jolted awake to your phone buzzing. 

Unknown Number: Are you awake?

Your breath caught. You knew! Of course you knew. Your heart screamed his name at the sight of the message on your phone.

You: Lee Know?

A pause, but it felt like a lifetime. In less than a few seconds, your screen lit up again...

Unknown Number: I miss you, Y/N.

Those 4 words were all that you needed to rush out your door. You knew where he'd be, this late at night. He always was there, whenever he felt lonely. You always found him, sitting at the same bench at the Han River. And you found him tonight too as he sat at the same bench, staring at the water. You slowly walked towards him. The scent of you made him immediately look up and both your eyes met. His eyes were brimming with tears at the sight of you, and it made you tear up too. "Why?", you demanded, voice cracking. "Was it something I did?"

He stood up, and for the first time, you saw the raw pain in his eyes. "No. No, it was never you. It's because I..." He swallowed hard. "I couldn't stand the thought of you waiting for someone who might never come home."

Touring. Military service. The uncertainty of an idol's life—you understood where he was coming from. He'd cut you loose to spare you. Of course it was just that, how did you not realise? He had always been the one who was afraid of losing people and cut people off before things went far. You should've known.

You simply smiled. "You idiot," you whispered, stepping closer. "How could you even think that? You know I'd wait forever, if it was for you." Before the words even left your mouth, he closed the gap between you both, his lips on yours in an instant. This was no normal kiss. It seemed as if Lee Know tried to show you how much he loves you with just this one kiss.

As you both broke apart, gasping for air, he cupped your face, his touch achingly familiar. As he stared into your eyes, you knew what he was thinking. "What if I'm not worth it?" You leaned into his palm. "Then let me decide that."

The first tear fell. Then his lips were on yours again, desperate and salty, like he was trying to memorize the taste of you. "Stay, please." you breathed against his mouth. He pulled back just enough to meet your gaze. "Even if it hurts?". "Even then.", you whispered.

That night, you stayed over at his apartment and you both spent the night together. As you lay in his bed, cuddling with Soonie, Doongie and Dori, he looked at you four happily. And his heart felt relaxed and peaceful. "Y/N?" He called you.

You hummed as you looked up at him while petting Soonie. "I wrote you a song when we broke up. When you weren't with me, it made me realise that I could never live without you. Can I sing it for you?"

Hearing that made your heart feel warm. Knowing that even when you weren't with him, he kept thinking about you, it was just romantic. You nodded.

Lee Know brought his guitar and sat on the edge of the bed. The beginning chords of the song filled the room and Soonie, Doongie and Dori all shot up with their eyes now focused on Lee Know, including you. His soft voice made you want to cry. The lyrics flowed into your ears as the meaning of it all dawned on you. You felt emotional.

Walk the longest road
I didn't know that it would be the last
In the footprints left behind
I'll look back to see if your scent remains

Our story was beautiful
You left me with a memory
Please don't forget that it means more than this
Wander through a long day
The night begins again
There are many things that I can't say

I don't get sick in my dreams
I want to call you quietly
The moment I wish I couldn't forget
Will it go back the way we used to be?
I know it'll change with just one word
The words I couldn't tell you
Lock me in this dream, please don't let me go

Hearing him sing it, in his apartment, just for you. It made you cry. Lee Know panicked. "Wait. Was that too cheesy? Hyunjin helped me write—"

You pulled him in for a deep kiss, stopping him mid-ramble. Your tears made the kiss taste salty, and he deepened it even more. "Don't forget that it means more." He whispered the song lyrics once again in your ears and you hugged him tight.

Surrounded by his cats, that night you fell asleep in his arms.

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P.S.: Lee Know still denies writing 'Limbo' about you, but his members absolutely roast him for it :)

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