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It's been weeks, but it still feels like I'm losing my mind without her. I try to keep it together, keep myself busy, keep people around—but nothing fills the space Victoria left. It's always been like this with us. On and off, back and forth. We've both entertained other people, dated other people, tried to move on. But no matter how far we go, it's like we're on some kind of string that always pulls us back to each other.
She's the only person who's ever really seen me, the good and the ugly. And yeah, we were toxic—I'll admit that. We fought hard, we loved harder, and somewhere in the chaos, we forgot how to just be good to each other. But even then... I still felt like she was mine.
Now I'm out here in the media like some damn headline because of that stupid fling. I didn't even mean for it to happen—it was a distraction, a moment, not anything real. But Victoria saw it. And ever since, she's been distant. Cold. Like I'm just some stranger she used to know.
The part that really messes with me. She's seeing someone too. And it eats me alive knowing that someone else might be making her smile the way I used to. But I know her. Deep down, I know she feels what I feel. She can lie to everyone else, but she can't lie to herself—not about this.
I told Teyana everything. She's the only one who really gets it—gets us. She's seen every version of our relationship, every meltdown, every makeup. And she loves us both too much to take sides. I sat with her the other night, tears in my eyes, trying not to sound pathetic, and I just said it.
"She's my person, T. I don't care how messy it got. I don't care who we've been with. None of it feels real without her."
And you know what Teyana said? She just looked at me and said, "She knows that. But you both gotta stop hurting each other if you ever wanna make it work."
"Teyana, come on," I said for the third time, leaning forward, elbows on my knees, palms open like I was laying my whole heart in her lap. "Please just tell me where she's gonna be tonight."
She shook her head, eyes soft but firm. "Y/N... no. I'm not doing that. I don't think popping up on her is gonna help anything. That's not the move."
I groaned and leaned back into the couch, staring at the ceiling like maybe the answer would just fall out of the sky. It didn't. I reached for the blunt sitting in the ashtray and sparked it up. "It's already messy, T. What's one more mess?"
Teyana took it from me after a couple hits and sighed as she inhaled. "You think this is love, but it's obsession right now. You're spiraling. And she's trying to breathe."
I didn't say anything right away. I just stared at the smoke curling toward the ceiling, thinking about all the nights I used to lay in bed with Victoria, tracing circles on her skin, feeling like the world stopped when we were wrapped up in each other. Those nights feel like forever ago.
"I haven't been going out," I finally said. "I've been scared to run into her. Scared of how it'll feel. Scared she'll look right through me like I'm nothing. That's why I'm asking you. I don't wanna just bump into her—I need to be ready."
