Mental Health One shots

21. Bad again - Teddy

Tw: Sh

You didn't tell anyone that it had gone bad again, not even Dr. Teddy Altman. She was the one who helped you get clean. She was the reason why there were only scars on your arms.

Were... Now there are plenty of new fresh red lines scattered on your arm.

And yet you didn't want to aknowledge it, by telling yourself that you could stop at any given second, that you had IT and the urges under control.

Deep down you knew, that nothing was under control, that you couldn't resist the urges to drag the blade over your body again and again and again.

You were doing so much better. You had been clean for so long. Teddy Altmann helped you to get clean and staying clean. But after some time she stopped checking your arms. That was the moment you snapped.

You've had urges the whole time, but you were too scared to tell Teddy about them. Which was silly, she would never judge you. Deep down you also knew this, but yet you chose your path, that brought you right into this position.

After a surgery that didn't go as planned you just had to cut, the urges where too strong.

You went into the bathroom, did what you had to do, but when you left the left the cubicle, the door to the restroom opened, and no one other than Christina Yang came inside.

You hastily turned away from her, but it was too late. Christina had already seen the blood on your sleeve.

"You do know it's very unhygienic to walk around with patient blood on your sleeve?"

Somewhat relieved that Christina didn't realize it, or pretended not to, you turned toward the door.

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again."

"I hope so for your sake."

What you didn't know is that Christina shortly after went to the attendings lounch to tell your attending -Teddy Altman- about your mistake.

Teddy Pov:

"I swear Y/l/n had blood all over her sleeve. Probably from the surgery. Its so unhygienic, I mean thats so obvious-"

I was already deep in thought. Then I suddenly jumped up. The surgery.

"You said the surgery didn't end well Dr Yang?"

I questioned her, having a bad feeling lingering in my stomach.

"No. We had to face a lot of complications. What has that to do with-"

"I gotta go-"

I believe that I know how the blood came onto Y/n Sleeve. I really hope that I am wrong, but something in me knows that Y/n relapsed. Everything added up. Her strange behavior in the last weeks, since I stopped checking her arms. Her avoiding me at all costs.

I started looking for her, but I already had a hunch where she was. On the way to the on-call room, I also picked up a first-aid kit.

I softly knocked on the door before entering. Y/n sat curled up in a ball on a the bed and was sobbing.

"Oh no sweatheart, what happened"

I quickly locked the door behind me. Then I pulled her close to me into a warm embrace, sligthly rocking her back an forth and whispering sweet nothings into her ear.

"I am so sorry Teddy, I am so so sorry. Please don't be mad I-I just didn't-"

"Shh sweatheart I know, it's alright, I am not mad and you don't have to apologize!"

"H-How"

Y/n finally picked up her gaze and looked into my eyes.

"Christina told me what she saw."

"Oh..."

"Sweatheart can I please have a look at them, bandage them?"

I got a small nodd and a confirming look. She slowly extended her arm into my hand.

I tried not to show any reaction, I didn't want to scare Y/n away.

"Can I bandage them?"

I got a small nod so I began to wrap the bandage around her wrist. When I was finished Y/n began to shrink even more into herself. She knew that now came the talking part and she hated it. But we need to have this conversation.

I slowly take her hand in mine and she squeezes mine. The signal that she is ready to talk.

"Why?"

"E-everything just got too much recently. And then when you stopped controlling my arms, the urges had grown so steong that I wasn't able to resist it any longer. And I was too scared to tell you. I am so sorry. I didn't want it to end it like this... I-It just got out of control..."

"It's alright sweatheart. I got you you are safe and I'm not mad. But why didn't you tell me? Or call me?"

Y/n looked at the floor. I took her chin into my hand and forced her to look at me. After a few seconds I was able to find her eyes, with the guolty look in them that I knew so well.

"I-I am sorry, I didn't want to burden or inconvinience you with my problems. You are always here for me and I am just so fucked up. I-"

"Y/n you are not a burden, you are my friend and I deeply care for you, i love you and I want to be there for you. You could never burden me and if you hypothetically would do, I am old enough to tell you that, which I didn't. But please you have to tell me when it gets this bad. I don't want to loose you. You can do this, we can do this together."

Y/ns eyes became glossy and silently a tear rolled down her cheek.

"You promise?"

"I promise you, Y/n. You can call me whenever you need it. I am there for you. So please let me be there for you and don't shut me out!"

"I'll try, I promise."

"Thats all I am asking for, thank you. Now lets go home to my place. You understand that I will start again with the random check ups on your arms?"

Y/n nodded in defeat, now looking at the floor again.

"Come here."

She practically threw herself into my arms and we just stayed like that for some time. We both needed it.

Word count: 1055