Clipped Wings

Chapter 5

Another day, another nightmare, this was what, the 4th night in a row now? I wasn't sure, since I lost count at this point. I had been seeing Dr. Mays, a psychologist strongly recommended by Mirko and Jeanist for about a week. It was her idea for me to keep a dream journal, thinking that my subconscious held the one key detail to why I was like this. I already knew why, though; it was because I wasn't working, doing something, anything. She, however, didn't believe this and thought it was rooted much deeper. I didn't get into my family history, not yet anyway.

I open the journal, flipping to an empty page, skimming through the other pages, a few were about Dabi, one was about Twice, a few of my childhood trauma sprinkled in, and the cream of the crops, All For One, the war that day, all the people I couldn't save, all the people that also had their quirk stolen because I wasn't fast enough. If only I were fast enough, if only...no, I had to stop. I can't spiral like this, not again.

I felt my heart rate increase a little. Closing my eyes, I used a breathing technique that Dr. Mays instructed me to try. I closed my eyes, taking in a slow intake before letting out a few seconds later, just focusing on my heartbeat. It took a bit, but it did work. At least something helped me calm down.

My phone buzzed to life, a text notification, My eyes went to the sender, it was from Toshinori, formerly known as All Might, asking if we were still meeting up with Ragdoll. I send a thumbs up emoji, a response comes in a few minutes later, he'd be at my place in 10 minutes to pick me up. Letting out a sigh, I look out my window to the sky, watching the birds that fly in the clear skies, wanting to be up there with them.

I hear a quick "honk" as Toshinori parks outside my house. I grab my denim jacket that had custom red wings embroidered into the back, thanks to Jeanist of course, lock the house, and get in the car. 

"My wings, were a part of me, the biggest part of me. And now, I just...I just feel like I have this gaping hole, like a part of me is gone." Tomoko, formally known as Ragdoll, a member of the group that's known as The Pussycats, looked at me with a knowing and sympathetic expression. She also had her quirk stolen by All For One like I did, so if anyone knew what I was going through, it was her. Toshinori looked at me with his own sympathetic glance as he also nodded knowingly before he spoke, "Hawks, I mean young Keigo. It's normal to feel that way, I know it's not easy, but you are still here, and that's what matters. All the good you did do while you were a hero" Tomoko chimed in "Besides, after you get used to it...it's not all bad, I mean, at least you don't have to worry if you'll be coming home at the end of a mission anymore"

I knew what she was trying to say, and she was right. I didn't have to worry if I'd be in a casket, or in the emergency room, or any of the risks that came with being a pro hero. Honestly, the more I thought about it, the more she was right, without my wings, I wasn't anyone's puppet. Then again, ever since the war, the HPSC was completely dismantled from the inside out, with the president's assassination, while I was away, no less.

I look at Toshinori "Did...did you call me 'Young Keigo' just now? You know how I feel about you using that name, All Might" I shot him a glare. Toshinori looked at me like he had something to say, but was trying to figure out how to say it before he spoke. "When I gave my powers to young Midoriya, I was still trying to be a hero in every sense of the word. I made sure to make them food so they could be stronger, and even tried to help during fights. But after my fight with All For One, I knew that was it, I had to pass the torch on." He let out a sigh with a half smile and a dry laugh "putting on the enhanced suit, it was the first time, in a long time that I felt like a actual hero again. I wasn't ready to roll over and die, I would protect those students if it meant sacrificing myself to do it." 

I looked at Toshinori and at Tomoko, somewhat glad that I wasn't the only one going through something like this, that I had people I could relate to, and that AI could actually talk to. The two looked back at me, smiling that sympathetic smile, trying to get my spirits up. I force a smile back at them, glad for their support, however still feeling empty, like something was still missing.