VANILLA, BABY • KENICKIE

SIX

CHAPTER SIX - I am nothing

If someone asked her how it felt to have her heart ripped out of her body, she wouldn't know what to say. There wasn't a way she could describe it, no words could mirror the pain she felt as she walked slowly away from Kenickie's home. Mascara ran down her cheeks as she couldn't stop the tears from falling.

She didn't even know what to do, how could she go home knowing her family would be peacefully sleeping. How could she go home with the knowledge that he didn't want her anymore. It would take her an hour to walk home and it was already extremely early in the morning, if she checked her watch, she would see it was half past 2 already and she hates walking alone in the dark as it was.

How would she explain? How would she have the strength to climb up her drainpipe in the emotional state she was now?

Was this a nightmare? Was she actually asleep in her room, imagining this as some sick joke? She knew this wasn't the case but she was stunned into silence. Her mind running through everything she had ever said and done trying to come up with a reason to why he had just heartlessly broken up with her, breaking her in the process.

She scuffed her feet as tiredness took over her, she was drained, emotionally and physically. He had let this go on for too long? What did that mean? He never loved her? He never was serious about her? This was something that escalated too far and he didn't know how to get out of it? She didn't understand but she supposed it wasn't his fault, it was her fault for clinging to him, her emotions weren't his problem.

Her emotions were her problem but also the positive pregnancy test she took a week ago was also her problem. And the pregnancy test was a bigger problem than she originally thought. She didn't break the news to him, she didn't want to force him to stay with her so she kept quiet as he told her to go home.

Overall, she was numb.

She was shocked.

She felt betrayed.

She was nothing.

She sat down on the curb, thinking about her next steps. What the fuck was she going to do? The question kept spinning around in her mind with confusion and heartbreak along side it.

She thought back to the moment when her world shattered. She had listened to the words come out of his mouth but she couldn't actually believe it.

"Listen, Dulcibella. We need to stop this. I can't do this anymore."

"Baby-"

"Go home, Dulcibella. I've let this go on far too long."

"Why are you saying this, this isn't what we planned, Nicky, please." She begged as her hands fell to her sides as he softly let her wrists go.

"This isn't what I want anymore, I was stupid not to tell you sooner. I didn't want to hurt you but I should have been honest with you. I don't want you."

"Kenickie-"

"Dulcibella, go home. I don't want you." He whispered hoping she would get the message and leave.

She whimpered as she nodded at him, agreeing with him and leaving without a fuss more than what she had caused already.

"Okay, baby, I'll go." Her brows were creased, trying to keep her emotions in check until she was far away from here. She watched as he left her side and went back inside his home, she stood frozen in the stance for a second and then she turned around and began her journey home.

What the fuck was that? She thought as she wiped her tears and softly sobbed hoping no lights on the surrounding houses would turn on.

Why was it constantly replaying in her mind as if she couldn't escape it, she must of sat on the ground for another forty five minutes until she heard a car in the distance, once the car stopped with the headlights on she realised it was her father.

Her mother must have checked on her thinking she was in bed sleeping and alerted her father and no good could come from her father finding her out in a random street, sobbing her heart out in the early hours in the morning.

"Ducky, get in the car please." He used her nickname so that was a good sign. Normally if he said her full name that meant she was in trouble but perhaps because he heard her sobs, he felt the need to go soft on her in this moment in time.

She did what her father told her to do and placed her rucksack in the back seats as she sat in the front passenger seat, not making eye contact with her father.

They spent their time in the car in silence, nothing more was expected and as they approached their driveway and parked the car outside, her father took her rucksack without even asking her. He exited the car and came around to the passenger side and opened the car, awaiting Ducky to register that it was time to get it the vehicle. He softly nudged her arm and helped her out.

"Come on, my child, let's get you into bed." He kissed her forehead.

"I'm sorry, daddy. I've really messed up."