Be Okay

Part Three

I shuddered as I sobbed into my cold hands. Kirstie was there next to me on the couch to be the one to comfort me. She held onto me and whispered in my ear as I cried. I was glad nobody else was around to see me in such a vulnerable position.

"How can this h-happen to me?" I stammered, "I was so looking forward to have a l-little son or daughter but it had to be t-taken away from me."

I didn't realize until after the words escaped out of mouth that I probably made Kirstie feel even worse. I didn't want her to think that this was her fault.

Three days ago, Kirstie and her friend Pauline went to do some shopping at the mall and when they were on their way back, they were hit by a drunk driver. They never found out who the guy was because he got away. The damage wasn't horrible but it took the baby. Other than that, Kirstie and Pauline made it out with only a few nicks. I was curious as to why Kirstie hadn't called or texted me at all during those three days but I just dismissed it as nothing. I should've sensed that something was wrong.

I wiped my wet eyes and cheeks with my sleeve and sniffled. I slumped forward, resting my head on my arms, on top of my lap.

Kirstie rubbed my back comfortingly. I heard her sigh.

"Mitch, I have to go back home."

I sniffled one last time and sat back up. My eyes were still red and puffy. "Okay. I'll walk you back," I said standing up.

I looked down at Kirstie confusedly when she didn't get up.

"You don't understand, Mitch. I'm going back to Texas to live with my parents. I can't stay here."

I gasped and sat back down, leaning closer to her. "You can't leave, I need you here!" I cried.

"Come with me, then. You can move back in with your parents."

I shook my head violently, "No, no, no, I promised myself I would never go back. I just can't see them." I wrapped Kirstie in a tight embrace and I refused to let go of her. "Please don't go, I need my best friend." I sounded pathetic.

"I just can't. I can hardly take care of myself. So I'm leaving with or without you," Kirstie said sadly.

I let go of her and crossed my arms. "Fine."

With a sigh, she got up and left, probably to go pack her things.

For the first time in my life, I felt what it was like to be truly alone.

----

(Two months later)

I lied in the bed, the covers up to my chest. I stared up at the ceiling hoping that soon sleep would find me. I had been lying in bed for days now, only getting up occasionally to eat something or go to the bathroom. I couldn't even be bothered to put on clothes.

Saying that the miscarriage had an effect on me was an understatement; I never left my apartment anymore because Kirstie wasn't here so who would I talk to? I was never in the mood to do the things I loved anymore. Since I wasn't drawing anymore, that meant no commissions and that also meant no money. I still had people donating to me so I wasn't completely broke. It wasn't enough to live off though.

Even while I hardly left bed, I could never fall asleep. I had no grasp of just how bad the car accident was but when I closed my eyes I could imagine it. I could see the two cars having a head on collision with glass shattering everywhere in high definition. I know it wasn't like that but I couldn't get the images out of my mind. What if it had been that bad? What if Kirstie and Pauline didn't make it out as pristine as they did? What if they didn't make it out at all?