Kismet

Four

I woke up the next morning on the couch. The pain traveled through me like a ticking time bomb. First it hit me in my eyes, then traveled to my head, and then down to my stomach. It felt like something died inside of me.

I slowly lifted my body from the living room couch and walked myself to the bathroom. I threw up in the toilet and then went to the sink to brush my teeth.

When I looked into the mirror, my reflection... scared me. My braids were all over the place and fuzzy. My makeup was smeared all over my face. I looked like I either had the best or the worst night ever. Remembering my actions from last night, I knew it wasn't the best.

I brushed my teeth and stripped naked to take a shower.

Whenever I'm in the shower I say my prayers and talk to God, my regimen since the end of the last year. I hoped that somehow my faith would bring me closer to my brother. Or the place some of us call Heaven. It keeps me sane and on my feet especially after nights like these. Along with the medicine. Just To know in the back of my head that there is a spirit that walks with us all and: plans out our future, controls our lives and the people in it, and judges us on our current life to get into the next life is almost unbelievable. But it's what I believe.

If you think about it, I should be mad at Him for what He did to my brother. But still I believe.

Once I'm done in the shower I leave to go to my room and get ready for school.

When I enter my bedroom, I hear my phone ringing. I look over to my alarm clock and see that it's 6:18 a.m.

"Ohhh, shiiit," I whispered to myself while looking in the dark to find my phone. Whenever I find it, it's on the last ring. I picked it up a second too late. I turn it on and see that I have 3 missed calls from Noni. I call her back immediately.

She answers on the first ring, "Hey Arman I understand its the second day, but you shouldn't be that tired!" she said laughing, "Anyways I'll be over there around 6:45, please be ready."

"Yeah I'll definitely be ready," I said wearing a nervous smile on my face.

"Kay girl love you," she said.

"Love ya too," I said and hung up.

I hurried up and got dressed and put my makeup on trying my best to cover up my under eye bags.

I proceed to go to the living room and put Mr. Daniels back into the stash and freshen the place up a bit. By the time I was done it was 6:40. I grabbed my stuff and waited outside for Noni to come around the corner.

Whenever she pulls into my driveway, she signals for me to sit in the backseat. When I open the door Kaz is in the back, sleeping.

"My stuff is in the passenger and I didn't feel like moving it. And I picked him up on the way because he didn't wanna ride the bus. Poor little fella," she said chuckling.

I guess Noni thought this was cute or some shit like that. But honestly it was only going to make me more rude and impatient. I didn't want him to see me like this and I needed to talk to Noni, but there was nothing I could do about it. So I got in the car anyways.

We pull up to the Starbucks drive thru window and order our coffees. I always get the Vanilla Bean and she always gets some sort of Mocha. Then we were off to the school house which wasn't that far away from Starbucks.

As soon as she parked I thanked her and walked out the car as fast as I could. I couldn't face her and have her try to help me. Or him. Nope, I was not doing it. I am fine.

When I got into the building, I went straight to my counselors office to address my schedule. There was already a long line greeting me from the corner. I ended up waiting two class periods to finally see this lady.

"Woah there," she said when I entered, "someone had a rough first day, huh?"

"Yeah I guess you can say that," I said a little aggravated.

"Okay sweetie what's the issue?" Her thick country voice spoke boldly.

"My schedule," the anxiety was starting to build up. I hated waiting in lines with a passion. I realized then I forgot to take my pills. I nearly slammed my schedule on the desk trying to explain to her the problem. "It's all wrong. I'm in all low level classes instead of what I usually have." I said pointing at the paper.

"I'm sorry doll, I'll fix it once we walk through what classes you're supposed to have. These new computer systems threw most of the kids schedules off." I was sitting there for a couple of minutes while she was working her magic.

"Are you okay dear?" she asked randomly after awhile of typing away at her computer.

"Yeah, just a little nervous I guess," I said trying my best to smile. It felt like baggage on my face.

"Well you seem anxious sweetie. I'm going to call you back to my office soon...," she looked at my schedule, "Arman. Pretty name. Have a nice day doll."

She handed me my schedule and I left her office. It turns out someone with the same last name as me got my schedule and I got theirs. This is the type of stuff that just pissed me off. It was an error that cost me my whole day worth of energy. I didn't feel like being here anymore.

I found the nearest exit and carelessly walked right out the door. It's not like they were going to count me absent or call home. It was only the first week. I had no worries.
~
I walked and walked and walked until I came to a stop at the Waffle House. I was getting hungry so why not. I went inside and sat in the booth while searching my bag for money. It was just my luck, I had $36 dollars to spend.

The whole day went by in a blur. I paid for my food. Left the restaurant. Walked.
Green Light.
Red Light.
Left.
Stop sign.
Right.
Stop sign.
Home.
I was home.

My mom wasn't home yet, thank God. So that gave me time to hide in my room and stash food and make as less noise as possible until I 'came back home.'
~
When I realized I drifted to sleep, I shook myself awake. I checked my phone and it was 2:34 pm. I barely saw the time because I was shocked at the amount of notifications I had. Oh well.

I honestly didn't know what to do. It was very inconsiderate of me to not show up the rest of the day and not return their calls/texts. But at the same time I just wanted to be left alone for the day.

And this is how it all started last time. For a person that really wants change, I really do fall short of my word. I decided to call Noni and not let history repeat itself.

Right when I was scrolling through my contacts to find her name, a unknown number from out of this area code was calling me. I decided to pick it up and play along with what the other person was going to say.

"Hello," I said blankly.

"Arman, hey, this is Kaz," my heart dropped instantly. His subtle deep voice was like the feel of the ocean. After a long day at the beach, you can still feel the waves crashing into you as you try to go to sleep. That's how it was and I knew this feeling was going to stick with me for forever.

I stuttered on words until I could finally say something, "W-Well hey. Wassup?" I tried to say casually.

"Well, I got your number from Noni hoping you would pick up and you did. Where were you today? Running away from me already?"

I chuckled a bit, "Not from you necessarily... I don't know it's hard to explain. I just wasn't feeling it." I said exhaustedly.

"You wanna hang out later tonight to talk?" he asked.