Wishing Away

Chapter Six

TWO AM IN THE MORNING and still the memories from yesterday were still engraved in Rhianna's mind. It couldn't put her at ease—the guilt of getting a perfect score just because Davis pointed out a mistake in her calculations.

At first, Rhianna was cocky enough to believe that he was merely calling out to finagle for answer, being the idiot that he was. Marvellously exceeding her expectations, the senile idiot already completed the 50 item test before the time. And it turns out, he was desperately calling for her attention to warn her of the careless error during the substitution process of solving x in terms of y.

What's worse, Rhianna couldn't even bring herself to utter a word of thanks.

That's the reason why she kept on tossing and turning without even getting a single shut eye. Rhianna knows that it was morally correct to say thanks for his kindness. But how? Everytime she thought of saying 'thank you' to other people, her face heats up with embarrassment at her transparent display of weakness. Furthermore, he hated inconveniencing people. That was why Rhianna never asked anyone for help because being thankful was the worst problem to deal with afterward.

"Should I tell him?"

You should, dimwit, that familiar low voice that belonged to Clarisse spoke to her unbidden, An act of kindness that stirred your heart like that cannot pass by unappreciated.

Clarisse is right Rhianna, Jenna joined in. He is the first person you've talked to normally right? Just be honest with yourself!

Rhianna's body quivered with fear at the sound of their voices resonating in her mind. On normal days, they were loud and deafening like the radio's static noise whenever there's an interference of radio waves. Constant reverberation of their voices hurt Rhianna's head very much. But it wasn't exactly the pain that mattered to Rhianna, although that counts to. What she despised about these two voices trying to dominate her mind were the dreadful memories that tagged along with their presence. It was the replay of the childhood trauma she had had—the catastrophe that happened before her eyes that she could never stop.

She clutched on to her watch Curby and gave her left wrist a desperate squeeze. This gesture drove away the painful memories that agonized her for years. On rare occasions, it was easy to escape and drive these voices away from her mind. Oft times it was tough and almost impossible to go through.

Go away! Just leave me alone! Rhianna continued to grab on to her watch as she implored them to depart.

Clarisse scoffed at her pleas. And who was it that begs us like a lost dog to help her maintain her image as a singer. Don't get too arrogant, girl. Without us, you can't expect to retain what was left of you. Music, your fans, Eirah Jane—all these will disappear once we go away. And you'll hate yourself even more.

Stop it, Clarisse, Jenna intercepted Clarisse's scorn. It's also our fault why she is suffering like this. Let's just understand her plight.

I'm fed up with her selfish whining. Spoiled brat. And don't you dare believe that your stupid watch has an effect on us. Remember, we are leaving you alone on our own will.

Curling into a ball as her hands were clamped over her ears, Rhianna's sobs were drowned in the tears that she shed at the moment.

"I'm not going to allow myself to be defeated like this," she told herself. With those words said, Rhianna took her ball pen and her Journal. Gingerly, she crept into the balcony and began to write.