The Bird's Word

My Life

There is no clear way to describe my life. It is just a jumble of good and bad things. In the past my life was a broken mess but I made a mosaic with the pieces, turning the ugly into pretty.

I'm going to be entering my first year of high school this year (2015). I am excited for this because I get something new. I'll be in a place where no one knows me and I can make myself again. Though I'm also petrified due to the fact I'm incredibly awkward and nervous in social situations.

I like fresh starts, a clean slate. One of the reasons I want to move to the city is because it is filled with so much more opportunities; you could walk for thirty minutes and be somewhere completely new. Where I live now you walk thirty minutes and you're in the same town with the same streets and same faces.

I want to start anew, a place where no one knows my name. I personally prefer people to call me Birdie over my real name. Birdie is just me. On YouTube, where I am known as Birdie I feel really me. In real life, I feel like I have to hide so much of myself and in a way I do. I hide a lot of my feelings and beliefs from family and friends but online I can rant about them for hours. 

I grew up in a Catholic School and in my final year there I determined that I was an atheist. But at this point so many people already knew me as someone who believed in God and telling them I didn't would make them look at me differently forever. In my old school I feel like everyone was the same; most of us where white, straight, catholics. And that was extremely annoying. 

I felt like no one could understand what I was going through whether it be personal problems or family issues. I was like a smudge in a perfect place. I feel like 2014-2015 was one of the mos realizing years in my life. I really began to see who I was and what I believed in. Whenever I was asked, "Who are you?" I never knew the answer. And I still don't; because I'm constantly changing. Humans are always changing as a species and you can't live the same exact life forever.

Like I've said on my Instagram, if I met my 10 year old self I would probably get into a fight with them. In my middle school years my life took many turns incredibly fast and changed me when I wasn't ready. My family collapsed and my state of mind became more and more depressed. But now, after a few years my life is better. This doesn't mean I don't get depressed or upset, which I still do. But I have so much more control over my life. I know how to handle problems and what not to do.

I'm honestly very happy with who I am now. I am proud to be a pansexual, atheist, feminist, punk-rocker, LPStubers, female. Looking back at old journal entries, I have come a far way. But I got to where I always wanted to be; I have awesome colored hair, a successful YouTube channel, and amazing friends. I made it to where I wanted to be but my life is still changing but I'm ready to accept whatever changes may come.