Divine Complement

15 - Controlled Feelings

He was avoiding me.

Like, I poured my heart out to him a few days ago. And he hasn't been talking to me.

That happened Friday night. It's now Wednesday and I still never heard a peep from him. Usually, he'll text me in the mornings. Well, he would text me all day. Fair enough.

I opened up, let my wall down, and now he wasn't talking to me. He probably thought I was a freak or something. My dad killed himself because he was unhappy. What if he thought I was suicidal, too?

He knew I was scared. But he was bringing my fear out. I wasn't scared to be alone anymore. I felt like I knew he was going to be on my side. I guess I was wrong.

He even told me he had his mark, for me. And now he was avoiding me. My mark was hurting. Not a manageable hurt either, but like a pain so sharp it could knock out a baby. I knew he had to be feeling that.

Take this as a lesson, don't let people in. All you get in the end is someone knowing your secrets and you being lonely and confused in the end.

What if he moves away? What if he never speaks to me again? What if, what if, what if?

Whenever I think about that moment, I felt vulnerable. I felt so vulnerable around him. He knew me deep down. It was almost scary that he knew so much about me. He could use it as blackmail on me one day.

I have a fear of someone blackmailing me. I don't want my stuff to come back and bite me in the ass. It seemed as though karma never got people back when they were assholes to me. But let me try to be rude. It's like I got bit in the ass twice as hard.

Life is so unfair. Coming from a teenage girl is almost expected all the time, but I really meant this. And I had a good enough reason to.

*

Saturday morning came, and I woke up happily. Mostly because my period was done. I didn't wake up feeling gross, and strange enough, I slept really good. I had a good dream, I was comfortable all night, and I didn't wake up one bit tired.

I knew life was about to throw me around today. I think I am life's personal kick toy. Oh, life's not satisfied? Kick Aubrey. Oh, something went wrong? Kick Aubrey. I got kicked a lot.

"Ciao migliore amico!" Marietta chimed.

Marietta was at my door at 11 in the morning. I wasn't even fully ready. I still had to find an outfit and brush my teeth.

"Mar," I groaned. "It's too early for a language I don't know." She rolled her eyes.

"It means, hello best friend. You are a flop; we've been friends for like ever. I would think you would've picked up on these terms." I chucked my pillow at her. She dodged it and sat on my bed.

"So, what should I wear?" I asked her.

"We're just going to the mall, so... maybe shorts and a tank to-no tank top. A regular shirt or something." I grabbed a pair of short-ish jean shorts with a lace pattern on the pockets and a shirt that was short in the front and longer in the back.

We were ready and I grabbed my money and phone.

*

"You're kidding! He did not!" I squeaked out when Marietta told me that Andrew got her some type of necklace. It sounded expensive, so I sounded shocked. Apparently, the necklace was a sign that a couple would be together forever.

That was almost like getting your current boyfriend/girlfriend's name tattooed on your skin. Eventually, you'll regret spending that type of money on something that probably won't last. But, since they are soul mates, I guess it was appropriate.