Rant diary

Recently

Recently I've been eating less, exercising more, and I'm running on next to no sleep ( yeah, Dkeen, go to bed. It's currently nearing ten o'clock and you didn't sleep the last two night but a few hours) . My vision blurs for no particularly obvious reason. I'm getting dizzy, feeling nauseous, having chronic back pain, and nearly passing out.
It's like this when I look at things right now.  Imagine yourself in my shoes. Very little sleep, small meals, exercising off most of your caloric intake and then some. Now look at something with a bright color contrasting with a dark color (ex. The screen you're seeing now with a bright, white background and black lettering. ). Is it blurry? Does it seem to leave a prolonged trail when you move it as if it's still partly where it started? (I hope that bit makes sense, I'm not sure how to describe it. ) Does it make your head hurt now that you're overthinking about it, trying to concentrate?  This is what I see.
Now imagine what I feel. Your lower right portion of your back feels like there is a horrid weight on it no matter what position you sit, stand or lay in. If you lay on it at just the right angle, there's shooting pains running up your back like electric shocks. ONE. TWO. THREE. ONE. TWO. THREE. You can't move again until the pain stops. It could last seconds or it could last several minutes. Who knows. This is what I feel.
Now I'll have you imagine what I taste. (May be graphic. Pre-warning. ) You gag for no particular reason. You feel it in the back of your throat. Vomit. It's far enough up that you taste it. Because you haven't eaten much lately, all you taste is that fowl stomach acid taste and a hint of blood. This could happen one...two....three maybe four times in a row. It sickens you, occasionally to the point you have to dash to the bathroom and let it out. This is what I taste.
Let's imagine what I smell. You're exercising hard. You feel pride in what you're doing. Suddenly you smell a pungent odor. It's your underarms from hours of physical activity. No stopping. No breaks. It disgusts you. This is what I smell.
Last but certain not least, imagine what I hear. You've been in and out of conscious awareness for a good ten or twenty minutes when it begins. The ringing. It's loud and painful to your ears. You might try to cover your ears. You might start crying. Nothing will stop it. It will stop on its own. There's no telling when that will be. Sometimes it lasts over an hour, you're helpless. Wishing you could hear something else. Music doesn't help. TV doesn't help. Nothing but ringing. This is what I hear. 
Are you afraid to be me? Do you wonder how I survive with myself? I sure do. I don't know why I haven't given up yet but I haven't. I'm still here. I'm still alive. I still matter. I will stand strong until I don't have a leg left to stand on.