Against Devil

19 - Black Mountain

I didn't sleep much after the ceremony.

Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it was the glowing mark I saw on Lizzy's shoulder as Nate carried her in like she was the most sacred thing to ever exist. Or maybe it was the ache in my chest that no amount of sarcasm could smother.

The pack house was quiet by morning, but I wasn't. I moved through the kitchen like a storm, needing something to clean, fix, break—anything to distract me from how my heart wouldn't shut the hell up.

It wasn't just Alex.

It was everything.

The bond Lizzy had, the way Nathaniel looked at her like he'd burn the whole damn forest down just to keep her warm. It made me want and ache and burn, and gods, I hated feeling this vulnerable.

I wiped the counter twice. Three times. Then, I opened the patio doors to let in the morning breeze. The air was sharp, fresh with pine and dew, and I stood there with a rag in hand, breathing in as if it would scrub the mess in my head.

When I cleaned the terrace and looked over the fruit bowl, which was empty at this point, I decided to head to the basement to grab some more. I went donwstars, entered tys storage room. The majority of things were made from animal products or at least contained animal components.

But we still had some of the green stuff, too. Wolves or not wolves - something human was lurking inside all of us. I grabbed the bag that said peaches on it. The bag was pretty heavy and took me some time to take upstairs. 

Lucky me I didn't face planted in these stairs. 

I pushed open the kitchen door with my elbow, still half-wrestling a bag of fresh fruit against my hip, only to freeze mid-step like someone had poured ice water down my spine.

Oh. Hell. No.

Nate's hands were gripping the edge of the counter, back taut with pants down, while Lizzy's legs were wrapped around his waist like she'd been waiting for this moment her whole damn life. Her head was thrown back, mouth parted in a silent moan that made my soul die a little inside. Their bodies moved like wildfire and worship, as if nothing else in the world mattered—like they'd been made for this moment and no one else could touch it.

My jaw dropped. My eyes screamed. My brain short-circuited.

"Oh fuck fuck!" I blurted and immediately stumbled backwards, slamming the door shut behind me so fast I nearly dropped the peaches.

Silence. Then a muffled thump.

Too late. I was already bolting out the back, cheeks flaming, legs moving before my pride could stop me.

Shift, I quickly said to my animal.

And she did.

My bones cracked and realigned, fur rippling over skin like a sigh of release, and in seconds I was sprinting barefoot through the trees. Leaves crunched beneath my paws. The wind howled its approval.

I didn't stop until I hit the riverbank, my reflection fractured in the current like my thoughts. I wasn't jealous of Lizzy—not exactly. I was just... left behind. Again. Watching everyone find their place, their mate, their story—and me? I was still stuck on the same damn page, with the same frustrating, emotionally constipated man who couldn't decide if he wanted me or wanted to pretend I didn't exist.

Alex.

His name alone sent a burn through my chest.

Why was it so easy for some people? Why did she get her mate, her mark, her moment of belonging—while I got silence and half-meant kisses?