Welcome Unwelcomed Guest

My Day 1

HI,

uh, I don't exactly remember inviting you,but you're here so let's get on with it.

This thing that we have going, isn't exactly going to work out

I mean it hasn't been fun at all

I'm not me, I mean I don't even know who Me is supposed to be

I don't remember who Me was!

You see what I'm trying to say is 

it's not only you, well it's mostly you

but it's also the Me I need to find

and I don't think finding Me is going to be possible whilst you're around.

What I'm trying to say is I don't want you here anymore.

I didn't want you here to begin with, but I mean the past has passed and well now is the present and I don't need you apart of that.

I don't want you apart of that.

I've gotten too used to this feeling and the very few and far between feelings that I've been allowed to relish.

I don't want to feel guilty for grieving!

I don't want to feel guilty for being happy, or sad or for any emotions I should happen to experience!

I don't want to feel guilty for thinking of her!

That was my mom, is my mom, I mean the only way I speak to her is in my head! Kind of.

I don't even remember what her voice sounds like. Her image fades every time I bring out the memory.

I don't remember what her voice sounds like

And I feel guilty for crying.

I find myself apologizing, every time I slip up and feel.

'I'm sorry for this' and 'I'm sorry for that'

and I don't even know why I'm meant to be sorry.

I can't do this anymore. You have to go. You need to go.

I want you to go.

Signed,

The Me I should've started searching for a long time ago.