Month Two:
(Rob's Journal Entry Three)
I started chemotherapy two weeks ago ....
***
"Rob! Rob!" I screamed as I pushed against the door with all the force my body would allow. But there was just one problem; I lacked physical strength. But this was no time to joke.
A choked sob sounded form the opposite side. "Don't come in," I heard his weak, hoarse voice say.
"Rob, why?" I asked worriedly as my heart raced inside of my chest, pounding to the beat of an angry rock rhythm. I turned the knob repeatedly as if somehow it would magically open.
I could hear his voice tremble. "Because you won't love me anymore when you see."
I shook my head; how could he ever think such thing? "Rob, you're scaring me. What's wrong? Why can't I come in?"
***
And my hair is falling out. Slowly but surely. I can still see Lott's pout when I wouldn't let her run her fingers through my hair like she so desired; it was one of our things.
***
When he didn't respond I tried again. "Baby, how could I ever not love you? I love you for who you are. You are still the same; you are still my Rob."
Another sob. "You promise?"
I gasped holding back my tears as I whispered, "Of course; of course I promise."
Slowly, the door creaked open and there lying on the floor was a hairless Rob in a fetal position. His skinny legs were drawn up to his chest, arms wound tightly around them.
"Oh, Rob," I heard myself whimper. He was running his hands through his hairless scalp as tears cascaded down his cheek. "W-what? What did you do to your hair?"
"It's back." He sobbed, shoulders shaking. "It's back, Lott. I'm s-sick again."
I felt my eyes widened as the truth of the matter set in. God, please no. Please let all of this be a joke. I could feel my heart jump in my throat and the tears I tried so hard to hold in fall from my eyes. A great sadness settled upon my heart as my legs gave out underneath him and I sobbed hard along with him.
"No," I forced out through the sob. "No, no, no, no!" I balled my hands into fists as I screamed, a blood curling shriek of agony, and pounded on the floor with my fists until they were all bloody.
***
I love her and she loves me -- I know that. But somehow I convinced myself that she wouldn't anymore if she see's .. she see's how ugly I look without any hair. How could someone as beautiful as her and sensible love someone as unstable and sick and broken as myself? And then the truth set it; she couldn't.
****
"Please!" I sobbed looking up at the ceiling. "Please god, let this be a joke!" I turned to Rob and asked desperately. "Please let this be a joke!"
He shook his head as he trembled. With shaking hands I gathered him in my arms and we cried together.
***
Rob had shaved all of the thin wispy strings of hair he still had on his head by now; a day along. When I told him how beautiful he looked he would smile but his eyes didn't crinkle; they weren't as alive as they used to be and I couldn't help but wonder when the fire had burned out and why didn't I notice the moment it did. So, just as he went out for groceries one day, I knew what I had to do.
I took his shaver in my hand as I stared at my red hair in the mirror. I inhaled deeply; and with shaky hands and a heck of a whole lot of love I raised it to my head and began shaving. I could feel the strands rub softly against me as they fell to the ground. Soon, they were no more than a sea of golden and red on the floor. My heart was beating so fast in my chest I was afraid it would grind through my ribs; it didn't, thankfully. But I didn't regret it, I didn't regret anything.
"Babe, I'm home. And I brought those crisps you liked." Rob said as the door to the house swung open. When he didn't see me in the kitchen he was quick to ask. "Lott, where are you?"
I didn't trust my voice so instead I let him find me himself. I turned around just as he came through the bathroom door. I smiled at him lovingly.
He glanced at me and to my hair on the floor and back at me again before his eyes welled up with tears. "Charlotte . . . " He whispered brokenly before he crossed the bathroom in two long strides and scooped me up in his arms.
"I love you so much, Charlotte. I love you so much."
***
(Journal Entry Four)
I don't know what to say. I literally am at a loss for words. God, I love that women. I love her, I love her, I love her, I love her, I love her. Lott shaved all of her beautiful hair off. Now we are both two bald idiots in love. God, I love that women. She still looks beautiful as ever, maybe even more now than before. Did, I mention I love her? And the best thing is, she loves me, too.
