THE

5.

This new place is not so bad. We could have done worse, and we have. Still it's nothing like what we had yeasterday. Oh well, that was then, there is no time for moping around and missing things we will never get back. Anyway it's a shame. "Avengila? are you okay?" Landon comes in and sits by my side. "I don't know." "I guess I'm okay, that is what I am supposed to say right?" "I'm sorry Gigi..." Sorry for what? it is not like he was the one who let them in!? "It's not your fault." "I know, I just wish that I could make our situation atleast a bit easier." I don't get it, how can he be so nice? If we all had just a little of his Modesty we would never need to fight or blame eachother. Dionna comes into the room too and lends out her hand for Landon to take. " come on guys, there is something for you to do aswell." Landon takes her hand and stands up but I don't feel like waiting around for my turn so I just get up by myself. "Avengila! can you help me with these groceries?" Beau yells from the other room. Dionna looks at me with fire in her eyes, it alomst makes me scared. But i know why, she has never liked how close me and Beau are so i'll just give it to her."Uhm...You'll have to ask Dionna to help you with that me and Landon are going to plug in the security system." Landon looks at me suprised. "Come on Avengila, you should talk to him. I'll take Dionna with me." Looking at Dionnas dissapointment, I know that Landon is right. I have to talk to him.

Beau is standing by the refrigerator and unpacking groceries. "Should I unpack the other bag?" "No it's empty... Avengila?" What is this, I don't know if I remeber the last time he called me by my first name."Beau!?" He looks at me with a kind of intensity and, and I see a weekness in him that does'nt come around everyday. "Why you are avoiding me? You're not yourself around me anymore not since we had to leave. Did I do something wrong?" I don't know, It just feels like he is keeping something from us, like maybe he knows where Katalea went and when she is coming home or if she is coming home at all. "I'm sorry..." "It does'nt matter anymore." You're done already are'nt you?" Why am I really here? "Listen Avengila." There he goes again, what is going on? "Now you are starting to scare me Beau, What is it?" He sighs. "I have had feelings for you for a while now and I need you to know. I can't keep it to myself anymore because it's just driving me crazy!" What!? I've never thought of him in that way, neither will I now. I don't like him like this, he looks weak. He looks like he needs to be saved, like he wants me to save him. I'm not going to have this. All I want is to look at Beau and see the same strong and confident man I've always known and looked up to. The truth is that after this it will never be the same. That really breaks my heart. I feel how my eyes are about to tear up but I've never cried infront of him before and this is not going to be the first time.

I need to take a walk. take it easy. clear my thought. Think things through.

I know that it is a bit risky to be out on the street this late but I could use some fresh air. I have'nt been out in the dark since that early morning with...Beau. Love, what is it really? I've thought about it alot latley and I don't know why but something about the moon and the stars and how their light is combined makes me sure that they are love. The perfect blue that dresses the sky feels like love too, the sun in day, the gravity, the trees, how they grow reaching for the sky. I love Beau, just not in that way, it feels wrong even trying to imagine how it would be like kissing him. In a way I wish that I did feel the same way in return since we are kind of perfect together, we would live our lifes for eachother and I'd never mind thinking that I was'nt safe, there is no better protection than Beau. Even thinking about it, I don't know if my feelings matter at all, I don't know if they have room to matter. There are more important things here in life than walking around and dreaming about true love and soul mates and all that crap. Well, not crap just something we can't afford in this life. Yes I do spend a lot of time thinking about love and how it would feel like meeting someone new a stranger and falling head over heels. I only do that since it will probobly never happen to me. If it turns out that we will have to pair up I'd hope to get Beau but only because I can't live without him.

Pitch black....

I return home with a clear mind and a strong opinion. Of course Beau is the first to meet me in the hall. "Gigi? we need to talk." "No, we don't, it is clear. You have said what you needed and know it is my turn to let you know that being in love is pretty selfish in times like this. We can't be together like that, we just can't. It is not fair to the others. we need to keep our minds sharp, especially you. We need you to stay sharp Beau. I need you!" Having that said his face turns hard and cold, back to normal. Back to himself. "Beau?" He looks at me. "I love you." I turn away to my room, leaving him there.

I go to bed. lie down and I dream about life in the twenty first century.....