Lemony Snicket's Quotes

Chapter Four - Pietrisycamollaviadelrechiotemexity

"Today was a very cold and bitter day, as cold and bitter as a cup of hot chocolate, if the cup of hot chocolate had vinegar added to it and were placed in a refrigerator for several hours."

"Is it useful to feel fear, because it prepares you for nasty events, or is it useless, because nasty events will occur whether you are frightened or not?"

― Lemony Snicket

"Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life. "

― Lemony Snicket, The Penultimate Peril

"Criminals should be punished, not fed pastries."

― Lemony Snicket, The Blank Book

"If we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives."

― Lemony Snicket, The Ersatz Elevator

"Pietrisycamollaviadelrechiotemexity."

― Lemony Snicket

"Like a church bell, a coffin, and a vat of melted chocolate, a supply closet is rarely a comfortable place to hide."

― Lemony Snicket, The Blank Book

"One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one's regrets. Something will happen to you, and you will do the wrong thing, and for years afterward you will wish you had done something different."

― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

"The sea is nothing but a library of all the tears in history."

― Lemony Snicket

"It is very frustrating not to be understood in this world. If you say one thing and keep being told that you mean something else, it can make you want to scream. But somewhere in the world there is a place for all of us, whether you are an electric form of decoration, peppermint-scented sweet, a source of timber, or a potato pancake."

― Lemony Snicket, The Latke Who Couldn't Stop Screaming: A Christmas Story

"Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of "systematically assisting Sisyphus's stealthy, cyst-susceptible sister," which is easier done than said."

― Lemony Snicket, The Hostile Hospital

"This toast feels raw. Is it safe to eat raw toast?"

― Lemony Snicket

"There are few sights sadder than a ruined book."

― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

tags: book-lover, books

"I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see."

― Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letters

"There is nothing particularly wrong with salmon, of course, but like caramel candy, strawberry yogurt, or liquid carpet cleaner, if you eat too much of it you are not going to enjoy your meal."

― Lemony Snicket

"Can't we sleep ten minutes more? I was having a lovely dream about sneezing without covering my mouth, and giving everybody germs."

― Lemony Snicket

"Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter."

― Lemony Snicket, The Penultimate Peril

"Thinking about something is like picking up a stone when taking a walk, either while skipping rocks on the beach, for example, or looking for a way to shatter the glass doors of a museum. When you think about something, it adds a bit of weight to your walk, and as you think about more and more things you are liable to feel heavier and heavier, until you are so burdened you cannot take any further steps, and can only sit and stare at the gentle movements of the ocean waves or security guards, thinking too hard bout too many things to do anything else."

― Lemony Snicket, The End

"Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them."

― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

"In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied "I love you back" and not "I love your back" before you continue the conversation."

― Lemony Snicket

tags: humor, life, love, misheard-words

"it is a sad truth in life that when someone has lost a loved one, friends sometimes avoid the person, just when the presence of friends is most needed."

― Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning

"The way sadness works is one of the strangest riddles of the world."

― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

"If you feel . . . that well-read people are less likely to be evil, and a world full of people sitting quietly with good books in their hands is preferable to world filled with schisms and sirens and other noisy and troublesome things, then every time you enter a library you might say to yourself, 'The world is quiet here,' as a sort of pledge proclaiming reading to be the greater good."

― Lemony Snicket, The Slippery Slope

"But one type of book that practically no one likes to read is a book about the law. Books about the law are notorious for being very long, very dull, and very difficult to read. This is one reason many lawyers make heaps of money. The money is an incentive - the word "incentive" here means "an offered reward to persuade you to do something you don't want to do - to read long, dull, and difficult books."

― Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning

"Having a personal philosophy is like having a pet marmoset, because it may be very attractive when you acquire it, but there may be situations when it will not come in handy at all."

― Lemony Snicket, The Grim Grotto

"Sometimes when someone tells a ridiculous lie, it is best to ignore it entirely."

― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

"Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do, it makes you want to hide under the coffee table."

― Lemony Snicket

"It is very useful, when one is young, to learn the difference between "literally" and "figuratively." If something happens literally, it actually happens; if something happens figuratively, it feels like it is happening.

If you are literally jumping for joy, for instance, it means you are leaping in the air because you are very happy. If you are figuratively jumping for joy, it means you are so happy that you could jump for joy, but are saving your energy for other matters."

― Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning

"Of course, it is boring to read about boring thing, but it is better to read something that makes you yawn with boredom than something that will make you weep uncontrollably, pound your fists against the floor, and leave tearstains all over your pillowcase, sheets, and boomerang collection."

― Lemony Snicket, The Grim Grotto

"I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday."

― Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letters