can i just say notamazingmel is a cutie, okay thanks.
/ third person
calum was confused, thats really the only feeling that really stood out to him. he was so confused about what was happening with his friends now, like everything was so great one day and the next everybody was a wreck. one second it was all cheeky flirting and tinted cheeks and the next it was tears and blood, he just didn't understand.
it was often when calum was confused, he often got caught within his thoughts and just lost connection with reality as the waves of questions drowned him and when he was confused or sad he went to his safe place.
he always hopes everybody has a safe place, somewhere they feel free to be completely and totally them self. even if its somewhere as simple as their roof or maybe a special spot in the woods, he simply hopes everybody has a place they feel safe.
so calum climbed off his bed and stretched out his limbs and allowing a moan to escape his lips at the relief of his bones being popped into place. he ran his hands over his rather toned stomach and realized maybe he'd need a shirt if he really planned, on going outside.
the weather was warm so he didn't need a sweater but it was too chilly for a tank top, then again indiana had such bipolar weather that he knew it'd probably change completely within a hour. the tips of his fingers gently rubbed over the different fabrics of his many shirts, the feeling of the soft warm sweaters warmed his touch and the thin flimsy texture of his tank tops was soothing.
for minutes he just sat there running his fingers over the different fabrics, in a way it hypnotized him in a pleasing way. the way so many fabrics of many different colors could all be equally pleasing to him reminded him of society in a way. he was okay with anybody and everybody, from being gay to being transgender to being of a different ethnicity just like he was okay with all textures and colors of fabric. just like a torn shirt could still be worn and a broken person can still carry on. some people didn't like certain fabrics nor certain people -- maybe calum was silly for relating fabric to people but its just the way he thought.
he hurried to grab a basic green day shirt and threw it over his head and ruffled his hair slightly, he didn't really care what people thought about him, its not like he was trying to please judgmental people off the street. he was just trying to get to where he needed to be so he could finally breakdown in the safety of his safe spot.
the only way he could exactly leave considering it was five am was to climb out his window which really wasn't even a drop since his house was a small one story building. he really hated sneaking around, it often scared his mother when she would go to check on her son and he had vanished but after a while she began to get used to it, it still startled her in the slightest.
halfway through the window he scrunched up his nose feeling it tingle with an oncoming sneeze, "fuck fuck fu-" his head shot back with the rush of the sneeze and he hit his head against the top of the frame of the window making him whimper softly at the pain.
he clambered out of window and held his head with a pout painted upon his lips. "owie."
the whole walk calum kept his focus on the little things around him, he took in detail of the smaller things in life. he watched intensely as a snail crept past him and noticed a boy helping a young girl to her feet after she fell. he inhaled the scent of freshly made pizza and brought his nose to the soft roses by the library. he listened to the sounds of traffic and the man singing on the corner of main street, he was just so focused on it all.
part way through the wall he made a stop to pick up some flowers, just some pretty pink carnations that he thought smelled nice. he loved the feeling of the soft petals against his skin and the way the scent seemed to linger no matter how far they were from his face.
he took his time on the walk, not only was it around the time of sunrise which was absolutely beautiful to see the colors transition but it was a long ways out to his happy spot and the weather felt too lovely to miss out on. for some reason with the insanely happy aura around him he still felt like he was clouded in a bubble of sadness, he felt alone in the large world.
after the longer than normal walk calum found himself at his happy place, he stood there and chewed his lip looking at the entrance of the cemetery.
the grass was almost as dead as the people buried beneath it and the overall portion of the weeds were overgrowing around the headstones. it saddended him in a way seeing how the place was so wasted away, it used to be beautiful with flowers placed gently by every headstone and every stone was cleansed to perfection.
he shuffled down the past feeling a gust of wind make shivers dance down his spine. his shoes crunched upon the gravel and in a way he found the sound soothing, really he found basically all forms of nature soothing but that was just him.
he found his way to the center of the north field and dropped to the sitting position in front of two certain headstones. he took a shaky breath, sure he felt safe here and it was the one place he really talked properly but he was always scared other people would hear him and judge him. "hey guys."
he gave a soft smile and looked down at the flowers in his hand, "i brought some flowers again, i um couldn't buy both of your favorites so i just got some carnations."
placing the flowers perfectly between the two headstones he let out a sigh, "i well, i'm in a situation and i just, i don't know who to go to. god i fucking wish you guys were here, fuck."
"i um, i know i sound stupid and i'm sure one of you would slap me if you were here," he chuckled trying to ignore the tears slipping down his cheeks, "i met this guy a while back and um well i think i love him, i know it hasn't been very long but you know i fall easily. and well he's sad he's so sad guys, his mom hurts him and like he has to protect his siblings and i feel so bad for him. i just, i just want to hug him and make him feel safe."
"i just don't know what to do guys." he whimpered wiping at his tear stained cheek which only smeared the wet feeling across his face.
"and i have these great friends, one of them is like a best friend to me already and the other is like my baby brother and just, they're sad too. we're all sad damnit we met in fucking suicide chat for fucks sake." he gripped at his loose curls and shut his eyes tightly hoping the tears would end. "i fucking want to help them."
"i just want them all to be okay," he screamed to the sky, "damnit they're just so perfect and i fucking love them all so damn much, luke -- he's so caring and innocent, fuck he doesn't deserve to suffer. a-and michael, he's so young, he's prettier than any guy i've ever seen a-and he hurts himself so damn much. and fuck ashton, god he's so damn perfect in every fucking way, so damn perfect." he dug his nails into the dirt below him, the cold feeling pleasing him as a reminder that he's alive.
"fuck i want to be with you guys so bad, why'd you leave me." he whimpered again glaring at the marble stones in front of him. "damnit why." he screamed.
"i need you," he sobbed, his shoulders now shaking so hard his entire body was in trembles.
"come back damnit." he croaked, "please."
"i hate you damnit, you fucking left me." he slammed his fist against one of the two headstones, his tears seemingly endlessly streamed down his cheeks and the salty liquid kissed his lips. "fucking hell dad, you you promised you wouldn't leave me again, fuck come back."
he then crawled over to the other stone and laid his head against the cold marble as he softly stroked the stone, "i'm fucking sorry, i'm so fucking sorry mali. it should've been me, fuck it should've been me."
he simply stayed there allowing the last of his tears to dry against his cheek as he whispered apologies to his sister and pleaded his father to come back, he felt so helpless yet so relieved as he lay there.
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i'm sorry wow ;-;
how are you calum girls?
how do you feel now knowing slightly more about callie?
was this chapter okay, like does anybody think this fic is good lmao??
nexT CHAPTER IS ASHTON YAY
i have to go to school for orientation plz shoot me now
also i love youuuuu
