Sunshine Through The Storms

Butterflies I think

Time of memory: January - May 2015. (bold italic font is the opposite person. Just italic is me)
I remember the things I call "love" like they just happened, even if it was a year ago or a few months ago. Even if it was a quick and accidental brush of the hand by him, butterflies would get caught in my chest and try to escape, but not being able to until i would get home.

He wasn't the cutest boy, or the smartest, but he knew how to make me smile when I wanted to cry. He wasn't into the same things I was in, he was a bit more popular yet he still managed to save me a seat on the bus after school. I knew I loved him but I wasn't sure what type of love I was feeling.

He had brown eyes and not a lot of hair. He had small ears and wore glasses that made him look smart. His smile was great, and it made me happy when the cause of his smiling was me. I don't think he had his eyes on me, but I know i had mine on him and I didn't know why.

I remember when social services were going take me away from my family and the first thing I did was lie to my mom about going to my friend Abigail's house. Instead, I went to his. I remember his family was on the porch, drinking and smoking when they looked at me. It was obvious that I had been crying and I was wearing a hood over my head.
Is [his name] here?
Yes, he's upstairs. You can go up to his room if you'd like.
Yes, thank you.
I ran up to his room and opened the door. He was sitting on his bed, playing a video game as he looked over in my direction and paused his game.
Are you alright?
No.
I then started to cry as he got up and hugged me. I was in so much pain and he let me tell him what was wrong and what had happened. I remember him telling me everything was going to be okay. He let me stay a bit longer and ended up falling asleep on him sort of before I had to go home.  I was dreading that, of course.

The next day I had seen him I looked at him so differently and he didn't notice, thankfully. The little things he would do for me made me fall into "love" more and more like when he would play around with me by laying on my lap and the whole seat, when our legs would touch on the bus ride home, or when he would let me lean on his shoulder to try and fall asleep on the bus. I don't know how to deal with things like that, so i supressed it until i forgot. One thing I know is that he was a reason I chose to keep living even though I knew he didn't love me that way. As a sister, maybe. As that way, not that i would have ever known of. And I know that I may ask him to read this one day to let him know how I felt. I don't feel this way anymore because I fell for someone who didn't fall the way I did, nor did he fall as hard as me. He didn't fall at all and I believe it was for the better.
~~~~~~
I hope you enjoyed that! It took me a lot of courage to write this honestly and I am happy I get to share that with other people. Vote, comment and follow if you liked it or can relate I guess. ily!!