Doughnuts,Dates & Unexpected Drama!

General internet hobo-ness

*trigger warning* I think... There's mention of self harm and depression... If anyone is suffering with these and would like to talk feel free to message me *end of the notice - enjoy the story*

For the next couple weeks I toured the uk with the band. The day normally consisted of waking up,persuading one of the band to make me breakfast, eating said food,watching tv & general Internet hombo-ness (meaning YouTube too) followed by their concert or self-promo unless it was a day off. At which I'd wait in the wings. After we'd grab a takeaway & set off for the next day. It was a simple life. I enjoyed spending time with Ashley & Jake, Jinxx & Cc. & Fans loved getting backstage info & found me and Ashley adorable if you can believe that! I know I couldn't! Subscribers were going up & up. I was signed to youtube in moments & invited to collabs & met ups. It was pretty great!
Andy was still a touchy subject & I always felt uncomfortable around him. I avoided being near him as much as I could.
I never got homesick though it bothered me Alice hasn't spoke to me much. Things are pretty strained between us. She feels awkward about the secrets & I just cant cope lying.

Ashley was trying his best to help me but it was useless! Nothing can really cheer you up when you're keeping secrets from your best friend knowing full well they're about her idol. I tried my best to be happy but that niggling voice at the back of my head was constantly depressing me. It was like I was back at school with bullies words buzzing around my brain like bees. Stinging me over & over - wait they must be wasps. The same thoughts sting over & over again.

Back then, I couldn't cope though. My mom never noticed & sometimes if I'm honest a lot of them came from her. My dad didn't really exist. Sure we lived in the same house but we never really talked. My friends were too wrapped up in their own little dramas. So it lead me to a bad place... I stayed there for ages. It felt never ending but music helped me through. Well music & a coping method I do not recommend. It's strange the way most my friends did the same yet never truly for the right reason. Boys. I could tell it was for sympathy. Especially when they'd show them off or when I never saw their eyes wonder over other people's bodies searching for a sign they're like you. I knew because they never checked me. For years I hid what I was doing with carefully planned outfits or at school ,with our strict uniform, hair bands. 3 hair bands on my wrist. More if it was a really tough week. Not once did they notice until I let Alice in. Someone needed to help. I need to be helped. She got me up onto my feet again & supported my through any relapse. I moved out of my parents house & got a job. It was crumby pay but it was worth it. My life was starting to be good again. Is? Was? I don't know anymore. Ashley has changed everything & I don't blame him but..

I'm losing Alice. I'm surrounded by negative thoughts. I needed to be on my own. I cope best alone...

Not being harsh but I hoped the guys would leave me behind to go back to the us soon so I could explain to Alice my situation better & finally get home. I'd missed enough work already. Plus I'm sure it'd do me good.
Sure I'd miss Ashley but we'd be okay. He'd been busy finishing the album & then promoting it this last two weeks.

'Charlotte...' Ashley said questioningly.
'What do you want?' I said moodily because I was in the middle of editing my video. Now that people knew my name, my YouTube account was blowing up. I'd done videos before but now people couldn't wait for more. I had to make sure I uploaded on time. I'd been on the other end.
'Bad timing?'
'Yes. The sound won't go right on this video & I'm already a day behind schedule.'
'Oh..' He said leaving.
'Sorry. What did you want? I'm sure it wasn't to be moaned at.' I apologised turning to face him.
'Urm well...'
'Go on. Spit it out Ash.'
'Ive noticed how upset you are about how distant you and Alice have become. I was wondering if you'd like to bring her with us to warped.'
'Really? Sweet. Wait- you guys are playing warped again?! Hold up!! Warped is in America. I can't go to America.'
'Sure you can. We've rang your boss & it's fine with him. We checked you have a passport. You do. Nice photo by the way.' He said smirking.
I could only imagine my boss's face when Ashley rang. He'd have no clue what was going on & would probably need help understanding.

But I couldn't go to warped. Could I?

Going to the American warped tour was a dream I'd had for quite some time & Ash did say I could bring Alice... Would that work...? There'd still be the secret but maybe I could explain it better...

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Authors note....
Again sorry for being slow at updating but I'm kinda falling out of love with this book... I'm struggling to write more or even like what I've managed. I will upload periodically what I manage but I'm struggling...
Sure I've got ideas but I just can't write them well enough to post! 😩

Sorry again

Peace, Love and a writers blockfree life
Misscheekyswift