trip switch → l.h.

o n e

[lower-case intended]

one

laura

I woke up sometime in the early morning, a feeling of loneliness stabbing at my heart. it was a feeling I had come quite accustomed to in the past weeks since Ashton's departure from my life. I moved a little and only then did I register that Luke was still in bed next to me, his arm securely wrapped around my waist, bringing with it a feeling of safety and warmth. I tried to move out of bed, not feeling that my slumber would return, but his strong arm pulled me back to him, his warm chest pressed firmly against my back, I could feel his stomach muscles against my pale skin and I bit my lip.

the lingering feeling of anxiety in my stomach left there by his touch frightened me in a way. it frightened me because I knew I would never have this with him. I could feel myself falling deeper and deeper ever day.

his chin rested on the top of my head, and I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his close proximity, letting every detail be soaked up in my memories. although it also sparked a type of sadness deep, deep inside of me that I knew could not be simply ignored. it would keep building and building inside me until it becomes something scary and too big to push away or ignore any further. and the feeling scared me. it scared me to the point where I wish I could simply not feel anything at all. that way I wouldn't have to feel any of this. the feeling was so unbearable that I wished I could rip my heart out of my chest and throw it across the room so I wouldn't have to feel this way any longer.

I could still remember the very day that I had met Luke, introduced at a high school house party when I was only sixteen by a mutual friend, Calum Hood, he and I had grown up together and have been friends as long as I can remember, the minute Luke and I met we just clicked, and I could tell that it would spark a great friendship, and maybe - if I was lucky, something more.  

[flashback]

I laughed  uncontrollably as Cal ran back up to me, shaking his head while laughing along with me "I can't believe I just did that" he said breathlessly. he had just lost a bet to me and as a result he had to go up to a bombshell blond, named Amanda, by far the 'hottest' girl at the party and start grinding on her while singing the lyrics to the theme song of  the little mermaid, to say the scene was hilarious to watch unfold was a major understatement. after we both recovered he grabbed my hand dragging me towards the kitchen of the house "come on, I have someone I want you to meet" he stated and I nodded, grinning, I absolutely loved meeting new people. once we arrived at the kitchen Calum stopped and I stumbled in after him, my drink almost spilling out of the red solo cup onto his back as I bumped into him. when he moved out of the way he looked back at me and laughed at my clumsiness. "this is my friend, Luke." he said and gestured to a tall boy who looked my age, leaning up against the counter top, wear a red flannel, a band tee and black skinny jean with rips at the knees. he nodded at me and the moment that my eyes connected with his memorizing blue ones I was stunned, standing in the middle of the kitchen doorway, frozen to the chaos of the party around me, they where the most beautiful things I had ever seen. it was as if everything around me moved in slow motion, and all that mattered was that my eyes stayed locked with his blue orbs. I was shaken back to reality by Calum laughing "lau? lau! you in there?" I blinked, breaking the lock between our eyes and looking to my side at Calum "wha?" I mumbled and he shook his head "luke, lau, lau, luke. there now you've been introduced."  he grinned and I rolled my eyes, walking up to Luke. I leaned up against the contour as he was doing and looked across the small kitchen to my retarded best friend, who was wiggling his large eyebrows at me. I held back my laugh and rolled my eyes at him. I smiled at Luke and couldn't help but notice a black lip ring that fit him perfectly. "hi luke." I smiled and he returned it back at me"hey."

[flashback over ]

me and Luke hungout together for the rest of the party, laughing and joking about nothing and everything. it felt so good to be able to comfortably talk about the most random things with someone who could do the same. after that night me, Cal, Luke and a few more of our friends, Stacy, Oliver, Jess and Micheal all hungout together more frequently. me and Luke just clicked together, we became very close friends and would share everything together. it had by far became the best summer I had had in a long time.

Luke and I stayed close friends all throughout high school, and a lot of people had made the annoying mistake that we where a couple, it got old rather quickly. because Luke and I both applied for the same university we decided to move in together as roommates, while he took maths and creative literature I focused myself more towards visual arts. I took photography and artistic classes. he was definitely the brains between us, although he took a few music classes because he was rather talented on the guitar. Although my other close friends, including Calum, had gone to different collages and universities I still made sure to see them every now and then.

"hey" Luke's raspy morning voice sent shivers throughout my body, snapping me out of my thoughts. I turned to him and he gave me a sleepy smile, "hi" I smiled at him and stopped to admire how the sunlight outlined his features, and the way his bed hair fell perfectly but at the same time messy in just the right way, and how the sunlight made his blue eyes seem two shades lighter. I looked at his soft looking lips as he spoke in the perfect accent that I had fallen in love with over the years

"what time is it?" he asked and I sucked in a breath at the fact that he still has not bothered to remove his arm from me. "um around five I think." I mumbled and he nodded

"come here" he said and I snapped my eyes up to his, looking into his deep orbs for a moment before moving my body closer to his, and he tightened his grip on me. "go back to sleep, I've got you" he whispered to me, his lips grazing the tip of my ear, it sent shivers throughout me and I allowed my eyes to close, the last thing I remember before falling completely asleep was the sensation of his strong arms holding my small frame close to him

"I've always got you."

I awoke to the sound of water running, and no Luke next to me. I sighed and shook my head for thinking such silly things. he only stayed with me last night because he's my friend and he felt pity for me. something I hated.

I stretched and looked over to the small alarm clock on my night table, it read seven twenty-five am, I had an hour before I had to leave for work. I work at a tea cafe in downtown new york. it got boring at times but it was surprisingly good money.

after eating some breakfast that Luke had left for me I got dressed for work and made myself look slightly presentable I grabbed my bag, not before knocking on the bathroom door and yelling a goodbye to Luke, slightly happy that I didn't have to face him in person after my feelings broke down last night.

the day at work passed uneventfully, and by the end of my shift I was exhausted from standing behind the counter all day. I was very happy when my shift was over. I had walked to work this morning because I had enough time, and I wasn't looking forward to the walk back as it being around eight pm it was already dark outside. I stepped outside of the small tea cafe and into the outside, being greeted by the brisk winter air of new york.

when I got inside of Luke and I's house I smiled at the rush of warm air that welcomed me inside. I called out Luke's name but was slightly disappointed when I got no answer back. I walked to the kitchen and found a note written in his messy handwriting

'hey lau, I'm spending the night with Beth. left some supper in the fridge, love you
 - L'

a feeling of deeper disappointment came over me at the thought of him with Beth.

maybe one day he'll realize how horrible she treats him I thought and spent the evening eating the left over pizza while watching grey's anatomy on netflix, falling asleep on the sofa to thoughts of Luke.