Louis’ blood thumps loudly in his ears as he darts down the field. Zayn has passed the ball to Harry and there’s only seconds on the clock. Harry drives through another player, skillfully gliding the ball between his feet. He passes the ball to Louis then, who picks up where he left off with ease, shielding the ball expertly when a defender attempts to steal. The clock is almost up when he chips the ball back to Harry and he watches as he volleys it upwards before leaping into the air and bicycle kicking it right passed the keeper. And with that, they win their second game.
A grin explodes on Louis’ face, his eyes never leaving Harry once as the boy picks himself up from the ground and roars with excitement, arms extended behind him. Elation swirls around Louis’ chest but he slows to a jog when he sees Niall and Liam run in and scoop Harry up, lifting and hugging him tightly. Harry looks blissed out and Louis couldn’t look away even if he wanted to. Over the heads of their swarming teammates Harry’s eyes fall in his direction. Louis can’t tell if he’s actually looking at him though, because he’s still smiling so brightly. Too brightly, like a beacon on the field and for a moment Louis feels mesmerized by it.
He keeps his distance as they make it back to the hotel, letting Niall talk his ear off on the bus. He thinks he should try harder to utilize the distraction, but Harry is still filling up every corner of his mind. He’s toward the front of the bus, smile still impossibly big as he talks with Brewer. Harry never looks at him once and Louis burns.
“…I think we could actually win this thing. I mean, I know it doesn’t really count for shit but it’d be nice, yeah?” Louis nods, tries to focus his attention on his friend.
“I mean, I was sort of worried before that we were gonna be a bit shit this year. But with you back and Styles playing like a beast, I don’t know, Tommo, I think we’re gonna be alright.”
Louis’ eyes are trained on Harry as they walk off the bus and into the hotel lobby. He finds his feet shuffling more quickly, eager to get back to the room. His brows crease and he slows his pace when he sees Coach Cowell lightly tap Harry’s arm a few meters ahead. He watches, confused, as Harry breaks away from the group then to follow their coach off somewhere else.
Zayn collides with him from behind then.
“Oomph. It’s called walking, Tomlinson, you know? Step one, step two.” Louis flips him off and shakes his head lightly to focus himself. He heads for the lift quickly then, trying not to look back.
“Hey, Louis!” Niall calls from down the hall after they get off on their floor, “FIFA in my room later. Tell Harry he’s coming.”
Harry, Harry, Harry.
It’s all Louis can concentrate on right now. He’s everywhere and Louis can’t get away from it. He doesn’t even turn around, walking on shaky legs to his room and clumsily pushing his keycard in, which takes too many times to work properly. When he finally gets the door open he steps inside quickly, thankful to be by himself. But even here, alone, Harry is still everywhere; His clothes on the floor, his sheets bunched up at the end of his bed, traces of his cologne stuck in the air.
Louis doesn’t want to stay here, but he can’t leave. He remembers now, why he ran from this before, why he fought against it. Because this feeling is worse than Harry hating him. Absolutely so much worse.
He locks himself in the bathroom. He ignores Harry’s things littered on the countertop, turning the tap on and splashing his face with water. He presses the heels of his hands against his eyes, willing his brain to shut off if only for a minute. He doesn’t want to talk about this, but he thinks he might go crazy if this stays in his head for one more second. But who would he tell, anyway? He can’t even say it out loud so how is he supposed to tell someone that he thinks he's maybe loved a boy since he was thirteen, and that it scared him so much he did everything he could to bury it…keep it out? How does he tell someone that it doesn't even matter, that there's no point because there's no way Harry wants this now? Because Louis messed everything up and figured too much out too late and there's just...no point.
