Lonely without you (completed) -Scömìche AU

Chapter 36

Richard's POV (A/N surprise! i know this came out of nowhere but it's v necessary)

TW: suicidal thoughts, violence, insanity

"Remember Ricky, it's all about control." The memory of my father's words echoed through my mind more often that I would have liked them too. After all it was practically his fault that I messed up my life. And dear God what a belittling way that was to put it. My life was way worse than just a mess. It was below the point of not worth living.

"Richard, your chance to use the bathroom is right now or just before bed." The man outside my room said through the little outlet in my door. He sounded irritated, as always when he spoke to me. I had a smart mouth and in lack of any other entertainment, I used it on the guards. They hated it and hated me. But that was all familiar to me and I had no intention of changing my ways.

People had never liked me and I understood that. There wasn't much to like when you were mean, bitter and cold as a stone. Before the age of 19 I had never let anyone outside of my family inside the cold wall I had created. It was my only protection and I had intended to keep it like that for the rest of my life. At some point I had actually believed that it was possible, before a certain brunette stepped into my life.

"Get out of my head!" I said out loud when the picture of him appeared and shook my head aggressively while the guard just waited for my answer as if this was normal behavior. Well to be honest it was for me. In the silent cell there wasn't much else to listen to than your own thoughts and those were the ones that were driving me crazy. I didn't need any other voices, sadly my own was by far enough to destroy my sanity.

"Do I look like I need the damn bathroom you cunt?" I spat in the direction of the guard and when he'd gotten the answer he was gone in a second, leaving me to rest my head against the wall. This was my spot for thinking about him, always leaving me with the opportunity to bang my head against the wall if it got too much to handle. It created a safety routine for me to only think about him right in this spot. I sometimes stood here for hours, regretting my life for so long that my feet betrayed me under the weight of my body.

Today I just gave up immediately, not bothering to stand there for long. The lack of sleep made everything blurry and I sat down against the wall, closing my eyes for a second even though I knew from experience that it was a stupid move. When I lost the distraction that the sight in front of me gave, it was always harder to keep my thoughts together.

He was the prettiest man I had ever seen. I didn't even know his name and still I felt a connection to this delicate little brunette. He was drop-dead gorgeous and when he laughed I felt a strange tingle in my stomach. I just knew I had to go and talk to him. So I did.

Shitshitshit not again. I opened my eyes as quickly as I could and started rubbing my temples but the memories that I was constantly fighting came back anyway.

Mitch's hand caressed my cheek and his sweet eyes looked at me from under his eyelashes.

"I don't care what anyone else says, I love you Rick." And I knew that one creature in this world truly loved me, no matter how much of an awful person I was. I was scared of what the words meant but I admitted my love to him in return.

"I love you too Mitchell."

I didn't need this again. I had made it so far and now this was happening again. But I still remembered the promise I'd made to myself as I had gotten into this cell. I'd sworn to myself that if I went crazy it really was my time to leave this world. I would not stay here if I was crazy, I just couldn't. And although I wasn't that educated even I knew that hearing voices weren't a good sign. The next thing would be hallucinations and that was definitely the line. That would mean the end for me. I would make sure of that myself.