New York Sity: Reflections On Every Day Topics

Friendship and Sails

Do you remember growing up with kids from your neighborhood? Or the kids from your elementary school? Middle school? All the people you've met since you were able to say, "Hi, I'm [insert your name here]" have shaped who you are today even microscopically. It's incredible when you think about how many people you've actually greeted, befriended, and trusted throughout the entirety of your current life. And catch this: you're going to meet more people as the years go on. The only complication is that as we grow up, it isn't likely that those who you met in your childhood or even up to college will remain in your life. A friendship is a tricky business, and I'll stand by my position when I claim it's even more complicated than any other -ship.

We all have friends, right? But does having a friend necessarily mean that you share a friendship with them? "Friendship" is a compound word; composed of "friend" and "ship", but you knew that already. If you're anything like me – who has too much time on his hands – you can analyze the word and break down why having a "friend" is different from having a "friendship" with someone. A ship is a massive vessel that has been used for transportation since who knows when; it is able to carry tons of weight and if maintained properly, withstand bad situations at sea even if it sustains damage. And that's where you get the notion that a friendship with a person is far more intricate and valuable than someone you call a friend. Within a friendship you're bound to face struggles and complications and all possible bad things that can occur between two people. No friendship is perfect. Nothing is perfect. However, a true friendship with this person only means that you are able to tough it out and jump the hurdles together. You overcome the difficult situations and the awkward problems of growing up and growing together, and you overcome all that because you learn the actual value of what it means to work for something with someone you want – or need – in your life. You dock and make repairs; you bring meaningful cargo onboard; you give it a name, because every ship has a name. You treat it as a living organism because essentially it is. It carries you two together through the messy sea that is life.

As the years go by, I become increasingly introspective because it is the only sanity I am able to obtain. Throughout my writings (any form of writing) I am able to carefully maneuver through difficult situations I come across because it's easier to express myself through written (or typed) words than by speaking. Writing has been a major aspect of my life since middle school, and I used to hate to write and read back then. I've come a long way since. I'm mentioning this aspect of myself because it relates to how I am now able to meticulously manage friendships with people due to how introspective I am.

A particular turning point in my life was this one guy in high school – Jal. I won't bore you with the details of our rise and fall, because that story has become dull over the years. Instead I'll focus on the appreciation I have for the friendship we once shared. After the damage was beyond repair, I started to think and think and think for days about how I could have done a better job to avoid our friendship's demise. However, it wasn't salvageable anymore, even though I tried. Instead I looked for a silver lining, and it was to become someone who carefully chooses who to share a friendship with. I decided to improve some aspects of myself to explicitly symbolize I was changing. I had cut my bangs off into a shorter hairstyle; I started reading fashion magazines; I started reading fiction novels (partially because I'm a hopeless romantic); I started to write A LOT; I started to listen more; I started to study more; I started to become more. I had doubted myself the few months after my friendship with Jal ended, but it was the storm before the rainbow. I found a new sense of worth; a new sense of self. I found myself becoming confident and feeling better about myself. I felt myself having more to offer, but only offering that to those who I deemed worth it. It was the best worst situation I dealt with at 16, and I never forget it because it has shaped me incredibly and I am always thankful for having gone through that. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep walking until you spot its first sparkle.

Now at 20, I am still improving and growing up but I know who I share a friendship with. I know my worth and know what I have to offer; I am as complicated as they come. I am emotional but rational; I am happy and sad but not in any bipolar sense; I am me. Every friendship that I have now I hold dear to me because they are precious in my life, they are growing with me; always expanding and exploring and experiencing. They are tricky to maintain because you give so much of yourself into a friendship to the point where you essentially share a life with the other person. You know who they are, and they know who you are. You are incredibly guarded but also vulnerable. You fight to keep afloat together because it's in our nature to survive (socially). You never forget every squabble because you worked it out. You never forget anything, because even the smallest parts are important.

So riddle me this: do you have friends, or do you have friendships? I'm not discrediting the notion that friends aren't important. I'm simply stating that a friendship with a person is more complex and intimate and valuable than simply having a friend. I'm sure we all have friends, those you catch up with because you kind of have to. You chat it up here and there because it's courteous, and it's still genuine because you think they're good people. Just make sure that if you come across someone worthy of a friendship, you go for it. Make sure the opportunity of that friendship never sails.