New York Sity: Reflections On Every Day Topics

How Do You Get a Guy to Like You?

How Do You Get a Guy to Like You?

            It is important to keep in mind that there is no right or wrong answer to any question – or at the very least, no right or wrong answer to this question. What I recently realized because of my film class was that in this world we are on our own when it comes to finding love. Okay, maybe I’m wrong. There are such things as arranged marriages and so on, but is that really love? However, that will be for a different topic. Today it is about the complexity that stirs up inside you when trying to figure out how to get a guy to like you.

            So, how do you get a guy to like you? Does it mean you show him your best side – someone pampered, clean, shiny, polished, glistening? Does it mean you tell him your best qualities – book smart, athletic, selfless? Does it mean you show him that you are independent, strong, and capable of taking care of yourself – but would that drive him away? It’s impossible to actually know how to get a guy to like you. It’s impossible because guys are complicated, equally or more than females. It’s impossible because no guy is the same, therefore they all look for something different. Some enjoy the strong, independent person you are; whereas others enjoy you depending on him for happiness. There are many qualities you must possess in order to get a guy to like you, and it’s really a burden. The worst part, though? Being able to embody all those qualities and he still doesn’t like you. Talk about a bummer.

            With that being said, I will begin to talk about my experience and how I think you get a guy to like you. You are free to oppose me, but all I am doing is reflecting on a topic that crossed my mind earlier this week on the subway. For the sake of all reflections, of course, no real names will be used – except my own. Hopefully I am able to provide some insight in your life about the beautiful horrors of liking someone, of being emotional, and of being the one who has to prove themselves.

            I’ve never been entirely comfortable with myself, mostly socially and physically. I do not consider myself to be easy to get to know because I tend to be quiet and do not engage in a lot of conversation with people. It’s a curse, really, because once you get to know me then I’m entirely different. However, if I can’t begin to speak to someone then it’ll never get to the point where they see me in a new light – one that isn’t awkward or quiet or shy. To piggyback on that, I feel socially awkward because of how I feel physically. My physique is not the best and it’s not what I want it to be, which sucks. Having a fast metabolism and scoliosis does not work in my favor, and they have led to my body growth in a weird, uneven way. On top of that, I’m gay. And the expectations of someone who is gay is to be this polished guy: great hair, clean face, in shape, stylish, outgoing. Living up to those expectations are a burden but even knowing this, I still try to fulfill them. Hang in there, I’m getting to the actual question soon. So with these qualities that make up the external part of myself (which is what people base first impressions on) I find it very difficult to make friends, and more importantly, to find someone who will grow emotionally attached to me.

            What about the internal part of myself? Well, that’s even more complicated to explain because it consists of mental and emotional aspects. For the purpose of the question, I will be focus on the emotional aspect. I get attached easily and enjoy being around people who make me laugh and let me be myself. The problem with that is that even with my best friends and close friends, I have a hard time actually being myself. And I only realized that in October when I met a guy who brings out a side of me that is different, in all the best ways. I’m able to be outgoing and carefree and energetic and funny but only when I’m drunk. Being with this guy – Tony – has been the best thing that has happened to me ever since college started. I never expected to be so open with him, so free and so expressive with him. Being able to laugh and joke and dance and be myself like there is no one else around. It’s really amazing when you meet someone who you are just extremely comfortable with, even more comfortable than with your best friends. However, how do I get him to like me? Our friendship – if you can call it that – is complicated because we have kissed and we have spoken about feelings and everything. But how do I get him to like me? Being with him requires no effort to be myself, it just happens. But how do I get him to like me? He doesn’t, and like I said, it’s complicated. I don’t know what I have to do in order to get him to like me. If being myself is not enough, then what will be?

            I pondered on this question for an entire train ride and I could not answer it at all. How do you get a guy to like you? Be yourself? Or be someone else? If being yourself is not enough, are you willing to be dishonest with who you are in order to get a guy to like you? Will you submit to what you think he will like in order to progress in the relationship? There’s no right answer, and to be honest, there never will be. You can’t distance yourself from him if you already like him because then he’ll be uninterested. You can’t be entirely honest about how you feel with him because it might scare him. All you can do is wait and hope that he realizes that you are able to provide for him emotional, mental, physical, and social well-being. If you really like the guy, you wait. But what about if after all that waiting nothing happens? And you’re left with this empty feeling inside that all your efforts (or lack thereof) have been meaningless? How do you know how he feels? You can’t ask because it may lead to awkward conversations and awkward encounters in public. So really, what can you do? What can we do?

            We’re all complicated people and because of that we will never have a precise answer to this question. All we can do is wake up the next day and keep it moving, even if you never get him to like you.