♡𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑴𝒂𝒇𝒊𝒂 𝑪𝒐𝒖𝒑𝒍𝒆♡

Denial or Desire?

Yn POV

We were now in my car, going back to the villa.

Well... me and him, to be precise.

I was driving. The streets of Seoul were quiet, wrapped in early morning haze, and the cold air hitting my face was the only thing keeping me grounded.

There was silence.
Dead silence.

Not like he hadn't tried breaking it - in fact, he'd tried a damn number of times. But me? I was too freaking embarrassed.

Or maybe... nervous.
Or panicked.
Or all of the above.

Reason?

That damn off-guard moment with him back at the warehouse.

I mean i know it wasn't "that" kind of moment. Still.. why the hell did I do all that?

No, seriously.. someone give answers to my stormy-question-flooded-brain. Or someone pass me a holy book, a psychologist, or at least a working brain cell - because mine left the chat.

First of all, back in the Villa, why did his absence affected me so much that I started noticing that he hadn't been back for more than 72 hours.

No, listen.. it had only been 23 more minutes extra from his expected time, and I was clouded by millions of not-at-all-good thoughts.

Obviously, no answer.
Yeah, yeah - Yeonjun and blah blah, mission critical, yada yada.

But here is my question-

WHY THE HELL did my gut scream he was in danger just because he didn't pick up my call?!

I should be thinking that "It's fine.. it's ok.. he's on a mission. He wouldn't be so free to pick up my call." BUT HE'LL NO!!

My instincts literally screamed that he's in danger and then I later got to know that he's actually in danger but still.. HOW AND WHY I even felt that way??

And then, I almost killed taehyung's most trusted and Powerful head guards-hyunjin and songkang.

Well, yeah.. I ended up killing one of his unit's commando too.

Wait-

FUCK. WAIT.

Oh. My. God.
I actually shot one of his men.

DAMN RIGHT, I HAD SHOT ONE OF HIS UNIT'S COMMANDO!!

Fuck fuck fuck!!

How will I explain it all to him now?? How he'll react when he gets to know i actually killed his one commando??!

What if he's furious?
What if he kicks me out?
What if he doesn't talk to me again?
What if-what if-what if-

Oh god! Oh god!
I wanna bury myself in hell right now!

Fine.. fine.. cool Yn.. cool down..
You'll handle.. everything will be fine..

Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Okay.

Ok let's continue with my intrusive thoughts. So yeah, where I was?
Yeah.. I killed his commando.

FUCK DAMN I DID!!

Alright.. alright.. don't THINK about it!

So yeah..
After that,

I literally went on a Mafia mission, That too the most dangerous one, when I was still healing from my accident impacts.

I dragged my half-healed, post-hospital body into one of the most dangerous mafia missions in my history.

Oh god.. I'm myself confused how the heck everything happened so fast? How did I handle everything?