Control Love

Love is strong

After all my efforts in finding out why he waited all that time to simply tell me not to feel the way I did, nothing seem to work.

When someone tells you not like them, what is the first thing you'll do I mean you will be hurt of course but what comes after that? Avoiding the person. Talking less and less. That's exactly what I done.

I stopped talking to him for a while. A long while. You'd say that I am getting over him pretty easy but that was not the case. Each day that I didn't speak to him ate me away. Each day that I didn't ask him how he was, made me feel like crap and each day I didn't ask him how his day was, made my day feel worse.

I was attached, I got used to talking to him so much that I didn't know anything else but him.

It's all my fault for giving all my time, for hoping so much it's all my fault, that's for sure.

I forgot how it all made him feel, did he ever wish that he never spoke to me? He is human after all right? Maybe the way I loved him, he loved someone else?

It's all about how I made myself feel and how I put myself in a situation where I would hurt myself. I don't blame him at all for what he did, listen to me ' for what he did'? What did he do? All he said was I don't want you to feel the same way, why didn't I just stop there? Yep, stubborn.

How did I ever get over him? Till now I am not sure how I did it but one thing I know for sure is that I did, each day I would pray to God to help me.

Later down the line I realised that it's not always about loving someone, it's about loving yourself too. If only I knew and understood that few years back.

I am so grateful for those times that I spent talking to him, not because it was my 'crush' but because I've learned so much in that process.

When I love someone all I know is to love them and nothing else. But that was a long time ago, now if I end up loving someone I would love myself first. Does that sound selfish?

People are sent to into our lives for a short while, turn our lives upside down then leave. Maybe they have been sent to teach us lifelong lessons who knows?

It's my stubbornness and hoping so much that hurt me in the end. I've grew emotionally and mentally, things will mend and feelings will repair itself.

Another lessons from the many lessons to come. Sometimes it's better if you put yourself first.

I don't hate him at all, even if I tried. Why should I? Just because he said what he wanted which wasn't me? I can still say that he is an amazingly handsome kindhearted person and maybe if it happened all over again I would still feel the way I did when I sent that request.