benumbed ❅ ︎︎l. h.

chapter 4: "insanity sounds like paradise" ❁

aquarium.
arcade.
amusement park?
nope, something else, damn it.

the list went on of the fun activities list, sitting on top of the fireplace in a glass frame in the front foyer. I am hopeless. there will be no sanctuary in this palace of fame & fortune for me. such an enjoyment. maybe if I held my breath long enough I may faint, drifting me to a wonderland of dreams & hallucinations. or maybe that's just when you eat too many shrooms. Kevin would know.

"let's find a hot coco stand, hmm?" I coo to the 9 month year old in my arms, she replies back in her own language by a sequence of giggles & coos. I couldn't lie, my baby sister was the cutest thing I had ever seen. if I were hoping to be a mom sometime soon, I'd wish for her to be my own. too bad I'd rather cut off my own Fallopian tubes myself before I become impregnated with some guy's baby before I graduate from high school.

dragging myself from my thoughts of hatred & disgust, I focus back onto what I was really in the mood for.

I follow the signs, walking from one perfectly themed room to the next. each one, filled with people who seem to actually be enjoying their rendezvous' with people they have never met before. this disgusts me. only because I was not allowed to bring a friend to break my chain of social awkwardness & also because Uncle Marco was having a blast performing in the asshole of satan. I should be there with him, in the asshole of satan, not with the group of hooligans staying alongside me during this vacation.

"Dawn & Kevin can suck sometimes," I sigh, nodding to the child in my arms. she stares back at me, the green of her eyes an exact match of the boys' & Dawn's. it's almost as if she actually comprehends what I'm saying. or maybe I'm just hallucinating from the fact that I can't find a cure to this boredom. insanity sounds like paradise right now.

I turn a corner, still following the signs. yuck. my face holds a grimace as I walk pass what was meant to be the teen hangout. it was nothing but snobs in their Uggs & Victorias Secret sweaters & leggings. well, at least those were the assholes with ovaries. the douchebags with testes had their usual attire of khakis & Ralph Lauren sweaters. and of course the few lounging by the entrance had to stare as a teenage misfit, aka moi, holding a baby walks by. if I weren't afraid their daddy's would try to sue me, I'd had given them the bird with a few not-so-very friendly words.

holding Nikki closer to me, I smirk, "those are the assholes I call zombies. they do nothing but spend daddy's money & think everyone else should be like them. if you're not, they bite your head off."

I feel an uncomfortable presence behind me & decide it'd be best to turn around once I hear a voice I will soon never forget, "well, I wouldn't explain it exactly like that.. I think narcissistic assholes are the correct adjectives you were looking for, darling."