She sat just across from me on a large foot stool that we use more of a couch then a stool, She sat there staring at me which made me uncomfortable and started asking what made me do what
I do to myself and started listing out reasons like were you raped , are you being bullied, are you gay ?
None of these were reasons and to be quite honest I'm not entirely sure why I don't know but I know deep down I know why I do it, it's not for fun or to make people feel sorry for me but I think I do it because i'm confused about everything or the fact that I can't control what is happening around me so I hurt myself.
I know its weird to say but I enjoy the blade against my skin is gives me a complete feeling that I can't find through anything else.
She continued asking me the same questions and my responses were all the same " I don't know." Thats when she threatened to tell my real mom, See when I was younger I use to live with my real mom but we were poor and she couldn't provide for me like my dad could so one weekend I spent with my dad and then I never returned home, I was so angry she would did that. Actually I was furious, She threatened to tell my mom, How could she do that, she doesn't know what that would to to my mom my mom would blame herself she would drink more than usual and abandon my little brother and sister I can't do that to them again.
So when I finished my mind rant I replied in an angry voice
" She doesn't need to know. " I said.
" How do you think she would feel if one day we have to call her and tell her that you are dead. And she didn't know what was happening with you that would just tear her apart." She replied.
I didn't think of it that way but I still don't want her to know because i'm afraid what would happen to her either so she was better off not knowing , and at that moment I wasn't even thinking about suicide I don't think I ever have.
I knew if I actually tell my real mom then she might go back into her depression and drink more than she should and she might even try to commit suicide and I wont be able to live with myself if I was the reason she had hurt herself.
" Still she don't need to know, okay. " I quickly replied
My step mom quickly dragged me out of my thoughts "Then you need to stop doing that to yourself and me and your dad with check you every other day so don't think your going to get off that easy."
"Okay I will." I lied to end this conversation.
Thank goodness school is tomorrow I don't think I could of spent the rest of the weekend like this.
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Thanks for reading I really appreciate it and if you have any questions about my story then feel free to ask me.
I believe thisis my longest chapter so far so i hope you enjoy...
