the words

breathe

She awakes at night kicking and screaming trying to catch her breath. The thought of him coming back into her life after so long is slowly killing her she dreams of the nights where he breaks in and kills her while she sleeps. She tries to get someone to understand but she feels like she's talking to a wall. Everyday to stay strong is a battle, a look in the mirror tears stream down her face. So unhappy because her looks, maybe she'll hear a you're beautiful which will make her smile for a moment and then think to herself what about her makes people think that. The cries for attention that she craved from her parents that she will never get thinking to herself why was she even created. Why do we walk around pretending everything is ok when its not? I understand we are nothing but human our minds take over and we can't help but think about everything life, relationships, the now the future hopes and dreams that will never be fulfilled. As she sits thinking about her life the month October keeps repeating in her head like its so important at first she cant put her finger on it, her grandma died in October is that it no it cant be. It begins to drive her crazy and then the phone rings its her father who was the one who hurt her as a child their relationship hasn't been the greatest who tells her with happiness in his voice that October is when he gets released from prison in that moment of news she quietly breaks down, she looks at the love of her life for help to try to make everything clear but he looks at her with confusion and then speaks the words "Baby I love you I don't understand a lot of what is happening in your head but I'm here talk to me." She replies with tears and kisses his soft lips as an ok babe I love you too. The months seem to fly by before she knows it October comes around so many sleepless nights, panic attacks, her boyfriend doesn't know how to calm her down anymore she refuses to take meds or to even leave the house by herself. Sometimes late at night he finds her crying in her sleep he wakes her, but one night the girl got out of control while she was having a panic attack in her sleep he wakes her to pull her out of it and she begins to scream so he does what he always does he grabs her and tells her "baby calm down its ok I am here but we have to get help I know he's a monster he's not going to hurt you shhhh..."