the words

break down

She sits at night waiting for a call that will never come. She is always apologizing always feeling guilty she can't help who she is. He always tells her its ok he loves her everything is going to be ok. She tells herself I will relax today I will not think about him. Everyday gets harder to work thru. She ponders about everything that has happened she hates the person she become, she sits in her room at night writing everything down making stories maybe someone will read them someday I mean other than her boyfriend the only guy she trust now. Addictions she has none, love well its complicated she's was never told as a little girl that with so much hurt there's a light at the end of the tunnel it may take a few years but there is light, her light well that's what makes her love so complicated his name is Noel the greatest thing to happen to her but sometimes she doesn't think she's good enough for him. He does so much treats her like a queen but she doesn't feel good enough. Her self -esteem is low she's not perfect by no means, sure she has baggage I mean who doesn't, all the things she has going for her no matter how busy or stressed out all she does is look into his eyes and her mind is clear he looks at her with love and when he leans in close to kiss her she gets butterflies like it's the first time all the other stuff just fades. He holds her close kisses her head as she sheds another tear unable to breathe he tries everything to keep her calm but the flashbacks get worse it doesn't matter where she is. She can't even be intimate with her boyfriend without thinking this leads to sex she's afraid she's going to loose her light and she can't loose her light he's all she has. He's her hero, she runs to him for everything he has watched her downward spiral and still stick around he watched her breakdown after every phone call from her parents her mother who is mentally disabled and basically kicked her out of her life and her father who sexually abused her as a child and never apologized for it. Oh and she has a brother who is in his own world they talk once a week if lucky.