Heart Ache

Chapter Two: Discovered

Chapter Two: Discovered

Pain.  That was all I could feel.  In my wrists, in my head, in my whole body...but at least the pain in my heart was gone, or at least dulled.  I could hear the blood rush in my ears as I became light-headed and the world swam around me.

I looked down at the source of the pain, instantly becoming fascinated by the sight of thick crimson liquid dripping from the fresh wound I'd made and onto the tile floor.  I could barely hear the small plop as the drops landed, one-by-one. 

It wasn't enough, though.  It was never enough.  The sting was soon replaced by the familiar ache in my chest, causing me to clutch the blood-stained silver razor in my right hand.  My only release...with a quick slash and a small gasp, a new incision had been created.  Blood welled up instantly and I was once again free.  I sighed.

In all my sixteen-and-a-half years of living, I never thought I'd be a cutter.  It just wasn't me.  I'd always shied away from pain, until I met something worse than any physical pain could bring.  My blood was like the emotional pain that plagued me for days.  Whenever I cut myself, I was able to release the blood, and release the pent up pain.  It wasn't gone forever, but it was at least muted by the oncoming physical pain. 

Why did this happen?  Why does it hurt so bad?  I buried my face in my knees to muffle a sob, even though there was no one else in the girls' bathroom to here it.  It was only me.  The bathroom was my usual hide out during Mr. Woods' class, seventh hour, and my razor was my only friend. 

I jumped when I heard a buzzing sound and realized that tears had begun streaming down my cheeks.  I wiped them away with the sleeve on my right arm and even though the room was spinning, I could still see the picture on my mobile.  It was a video frozen at the two-minute-thirty-one-second mark, and the only picture I had of Ty.  My Tyler.  I could remember that day like it was yesterday.  It was the last day of school, our sophomore year last year, and I'd been fooling around with my friends and video taping everything I could.  I'd caught Ty on camera, just as he was lifting his hands to block it.  I smiled a little, and with it came the pain.

The smile dropped and I reached for the razor, but all around me things were moving.  Where was it?  It's supposed to be right here...I reached out, but found only liquid.  My blood.  I tried flexing my hand, but I was suddenly drained of energy.  I struggled to sit up straight, lifting myself from the wall, but even that was a challenge.  With effort that should've been unnecessary, I clumsily stuffed my cell phone into my pocket and glanced around for my razor.  A blurry silver object with reddish brown stains caught my eye and I reached out for it, yelping as I pressed my fingers into the blade and cut myself.

"Roselina?" a voice suddenly called.  That too familiar voice.  "Roselina?  Rose?"

I could only mumble incoherently, but I knew I was in trouble.  A part of me, a lot of me---especially because I was a little delusional from the blood loss---wanted to believe it was Ty and that he'd come back to save me, but the tiny, still-rational part of me said it was Josh.  I tried stuffing the razor into the small pocket in my backpack, but after failing several attempts, I left it on the ground, next to the blood.  I tried to stand up, but I found that quite difficult too.  Maybe I should just stay here.  I'm so tired...

"Roselina?  Roselina?  It's me, Josh!  Are you in there?"

A weird sound escaped my lips as I felt back to the floor, closing my eyes.  Sleep...maybe I just need some sleep.  Maybe Ty will come save me then...he said he loved me...

Footsteps resonated through the bathroom and the stall was suddenly forced open.  I wasn't fazed.  I was too tired to be fazed.  I heard a sharp intake of breath followed by, "Oh my God, what have you done, Rose?  Rose?  Are you awake?  Oh God.  Stay with me, I'm going to help you, Rosie."