Heart Ache

Chapter Three: The Doppelganger

Chapter Three: The Doppelganger

I woke up Friday morning reaching for the razor I usually had hidden away under my pillow.  I came up empty, though, quickly remembering that my dad had forced me to give up all the razors and other miscellaneous sharp objects I had, then done a thorough search of my room.  My room was baby proofed.

With nothing to relieve the horrible pain I was feeling, I wrapped my arms around my knees and cried.  The dream never left my memory.

"Ty!" I called.  "Ty, please wait!"

Ty looked back at me, his brown eyes pausing me in my path.  There was sadness there.  I knew he was sad.  "I"m sorry, Roselina."

I stared at him.  "Please don't leave me, Ty.  Don't leave me again."

I felt nothing more than a little girl, powerless to do anything but watch as my first and only love began to walk away again.  I screamed his name over and over again, trying to catch up with him, but the distance between us continued to grow.  Ty's figure in the distance got smaller and smaller until he was nothing more than a speck, and then nothing.  I was alone.

I screamed.  Suddenly, the setting changed.  I was in my house, but I was alone.  I stood at the entrance of the hallway, and then I was aware that Ty was standing behind me.  I tried to turn around, but he kept disappearing.  Before I could find him, it was all gone.

I'd never wanted a single person so badly.  I cried and cried until there was nothing left to cry, and even still I continued to sniffle and whimper.  My chest felt ready to explode.  I wanted it to.  At least then I would die.

A knock on my door forced me to lift my head.  With a creak, it opened all the way, showing my dad dressed in boots and casual attire while still looking like a man to respect.  He was a good doctor, after all.  Dad looked at me worriedly.

"It's time to go, Rose," he said.  "You need to get to school."

"Can't I stay home again?" I asked.  I'd stayed home yesterday so I wouldn't have to face Josh.  I was probably some kind of freak to him.  First I ran away from him, then he found me in the girls' bathroom cutting.  Wait...why the hell had Josh been in the girls' bathroom?

Dad shook his head and left.  He and I both knew if I asked the right way, I'd get what I wanted.  I sighed and got up.  My whole body felt heavy and I wanted nothing more than to lay back in my bed.  I pulled on a new shirt and jeans, though I kept on the sweater I'd been wearing for the past three weeks.  I'd been wearing it when Ty told me he loved me and I couldn't find the will to take it off.

My father was ready when I was and I couldn't help but notice that it was a little more awkward then usual during the ride to school.  The radio was muted, neither of us were speaking, and Dad kept drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.  Finally, he spoke.

"I'm not mad at you, Roselina," he told me.

I didn't look at him.  "I didn't think you were."

"I'm just...disappointed," he continued.  "But I kind of blame myself."

I turned to him now.  Why does he blame himself?  He shouldn't.  He should only blame me.  And Ty.  But mostly me.

He continued speaking before I could jump in.  "I noticed that your behavior and mood were changing.  You were always sleeping, your eyes and cheeks were red, your grades dropped, and you've had no friends over.  I haven't seen Elena or Lizz or any of your other friends in quite some time.  What about that Glenn girl?"

When he stopped speaking, I took that as my cue to put in an, "I'm sorry."

Dad sighed.  "Don't be, Lina.  I just wish you would've told me.  We could've gotten you help sooner."

I didn't want to be angry with my dad, especially when I knew he was just trying to help and care about his only daughter---his only child---but couldn't any of them understand.  "Dad, I don't want help.  I can deal with this on my own." I have been for the past few weeks, haven't I?

My father glanced at me sadly.  "I wish you would tell me what 'this' is."

I stayed quiet.  I didn't want to tell him.  I didn't want to tell anybody.  But when I thought about it, some part of me yearned to tell somebody about what I was going through.  My lips parted as I prepared to tell my dad about my broken heart, but something stopped me.  I closed my mouth, then said another simple, "I'm sorry."

I was almost afraid to get out of the sleek black truck when we arrived at school.  Everybody had to know about this, right?  Josh probably told everybody.  I expected stares and whispers and disgusted looks as I passed through the doors, but to my shock, none came.  Does nobody know yet?

I shook my head.  This went against the most import rule in the High School Guide: Everybody must know everything as soon as it happens.  When Jessie got pregnant, everybody knew before she even took the test.  When Ethan's parents were both diagnosed with cancer, we all knew before they did.  High school sure is strange.

Just as I began my walk of depression around the school, I felt a tap on my shoulder.  I knew who it was before I turned around.

"What do you want?" I asked Josh, mustering up my best glare and looking at his nose instead of his eyes.

"I just want to talk to you," he said calmly.  "I just want to tell you that it wasn't my idea to talk to you when I first got here."

I clenched my jaw.  "I know, it was Lizz's idea.  Now go away."

"She told me that you've been depressed for the past few weeks and I wanted to help you," said Josh.

"And?"

"You can trust me, Rose.  I haven't told anybody about what happened on Wednesday."

Well that was a shocker.  I folded my arms.  "What were you doing in the girls' bathroom anyways, huh?  Or am I the only one who's thought about that?"

Josh gave me a wry smile.  "Nope.  Mr. Woods' sent me to find you, since I volunteered.  When I heard you in the bathroom, I made sure it was empty before rushing in to save your life." He said the last part in a dry tone.

"I don't need anyone saving me," I spat with narrowed eyes.  "I'm not some damsel in distress.  I can take care of my damn self."

I turned around and started walking away, but being only five-four, and him being about six feet or six-one, he didn't have a problem catching up with me.  I gritted my teeth, but to my surprise, I felt no negative emotions.  Shouldn't I be pissed off or angry or something?

No.  Because he sounds and acts just like Ty.

No, I tried to convince myself.  There's a lot of differences between them.  Like...like...Ty has blond hair and Josh's hair is brown, and Josh is a lot stronger than Ty is.  And...

It was useless.  I'd officially found Ty's doppelganger.

"I just want to help you, Rose."

I felt my mouth go dry.  Without looking at him, I could easily imagine that it was Ty standing next to me and talking to me instead of Josh.  Or even if I looked into Josh's eyes, I could imagine it was him.  I forced myself to swallow and croaked out, "I don't want help."

I heard Josh sigh.  "Could you at least tell me what caused this?"

I bit my lip.  "Have you ever been in love?"

"No." I could hear the confusion in his voice.

The only thing I said was, "Then your lucky," and walked away, because if I didn't, I'd run into his arms and forget that he wasn't actually the boy I wanted him to be.

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A third chapter :) I would really like it if you guys commented your feedback!!!  I want to know what I'm doing right/wrong!!!  But thanks for just reading this :D Whadda u think about Rose/Josh?