I Can't Stand You Sherlock

Chapter 21: In Flames

Keep your eyes out for the <>!

I tossed and turned all night with memories from my time in London with Sherlock and John. It was probably the worst night's sleep I have had in a long time. I didn't know if I missed my time spent there or just was not sure what to do next. For the first time in a long time, I had no plan.

To my displeasure, I woke up at 7:30 not able to go back to sleep. So I slipped out of my bed and walked downstairs to see Ameila making a cup of coffee.

"Morning," I said as I walked into the kitchen.

She turned around with a smile, "Morning! Want a cuppa?"

"Sure," I said as I pulled out a kitchen chair to sit on.

"Just letting you know, I have to work till four today, but then I was thinking we could go out for dinner. What do you say?"

"Sounds great," I said emotionlessly as my mind was elsewhere. Being here did not feel right to me. I felt out of place, like I didn't belong. But if I didn't stay here, I didn't know where else to turn to. I was wanted.

"Awesome. Do you have any idea of what you want to do while we're at work?" she asked, also referring to her husband, unaware of my internal emotional struggle.

"I don't know, maybe go out for a run." I didn't know what else to do in this dismal town.

"Oh so your run now?" she asked as she packed her lunch for the day.

No, but I was grasping at straws to feel better here. "Yeah, sometimes because it gets my mind off of everything."

"I know what you mean. Hey Maire?" she nodded as if she could relate. I knew she couldn't., she never understood me.

"What's up?"

"I noticed on one of your photos that you showed us last night of John and you, there was writing on the back that said Merry Christmas Rori. Is that what you changed your name to?"

I shrugged and said, "yeah, I changed it to Rori Anderson."

"That couldn't be short for Aurora, right?"

I frowned, knowing where this was going, but it would to be too painful to say anything, so I just shook my head yes. At this moment, I was done talking. I knew in a matter of seconds I had to prepare myself to hold back tears.

"That was your Nan's name. You never stopped caring for your Nan have you?"

I shrugged, trying to keep my emotions at bay. For the rest of my life, I will never stop thinking about her. There were so many regrets I had with her. But now I would never be able to give my gratitude. "No."

"Hey Maire, I'm sorry, really, I am," she said and hugged me again. I forgot how much of a hugger she was.

"Thank you," I whispered to her as I pushed her back.

I watched in silence as she walked over to the counter and finished her coffee. After a few minutes, she turned back to me and said, "Try to have a nice day, I have to go to work."

"Ok." Was all I said as I watched her put on her coat and walk the front door.

It felt weird to be back 'home' in Ireland. I didn't think I would ever come back, but here I was and I hated it. I didn't think I would hate it as much as I was. All the memories, all the wrong choices I had made throughout the years, were flooding back to me. It was like a cut that was healed, only to get broken open again. This was Hell.

After about 30 minutes of just sitting around in their kitchen, I walked over to the fridge, used to having frozen body parts. I automatically closed my eyes as I opened the door. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised how much food they had in their small fridge. I got out the milk I sniffed it, out of habit only to find that it was not spoiled, so I poured myself a drink and then got some yogurt.