I need You || Seungchan

9. "Mistakes On Top Of Mistakes"

After saying that the tears he held prior poured out in broken sobs.Chan stood before him dumbfounded, shocked by Seungmin's sudden confession. He tried to collet himself, mouth agape, limbs frozen in place, mind going a hundred kilometers per hour, everything around him spun and shattered. If somebody told him that he would just laugh it off, believing Seungmin wouldn't do something so silly as falling for him.

"...Since...when?" words finally left Chan's lips.

Seungmin, embarrassed as he was, admitted it happened just right after they became friends with benefits. He tried to stop the feeling after finding out Chan's crush on Felix was getting serious, but he couldn't help himself watching over them with pure jealousy and resentment towards himself.

"It is fine if you don't feel the same, but this whole 'friends with benefits' bit has to stop now. I need time to think before I make an even worse mistake." Seungmin ended it all before walking away.

Chan remained in the same place, still as shaken up as before. His heart raced so much it might have as well jumped from his chest. It echoed through his head alongside Seungmin's words. Every choice he ever made haunted him all of a sudden. They became regrets.

His hand reached into his poket to call the first people he knew would be a better help than imagined; Jisung and Changbin. They should have met at Chan's apartment rather than at the studio, usually it was the easiest place to arrange a meetup, their workplace. It was good they hadn't left after Chan stormed out like that.

"You good, dude?" Changbin askec as he handed Chan a large cup of coffee to calm him down.

"You look like you have seen a ghost and then run over a truck and somehow still survived the impact." joked Jisung with the intention to ease up the atmosphere.

"I don't think it is the right time to joke like that, Ji. What happened after you left in such a hurry? I was barely able to find Felix a ride home, you know."

"I am sorry about that..." Chan apologized weakly.

"Don't sweat it, man. You have to answer my questions before saying anything else." pushed Changbin further for an answer.

"It's Seungmin. He told me... He liked me."

Jisung and Changbin exchanged a quick glance between eachother before turning back at Chan and nodding.

"Yeah, we figured that long time ago." Jisung admitted.

"You knew and didn't tell me?!" Chan shot up.

"Chill! How could we tell you something he never intended to tell you himself?"

It didn't make sense for Chan all of a sudden. If Seungmin never intended of revealing him his feelings for Chan then why did he yell them at Chan outside the cafe? He was trying to shelter Seungmin from getting hurt again by that cheating bastard he agreed upon meeting. What he did was to protect his best friend, there was no ulterior motive behind it. Was there? Not one he could think of.

Felix was the guy of his dreams; blonde hair, calm and collected personality with the best body. He was everything he could ever dream of, but something did not seem right in that equation.

Chan sipped at that coffee for forever, ignoring and tuning out his friend's advice and little chats. His mind wondered between Felix and Seungmin. Seungmin had so many great qualities for him: He was pretty looking, fair skin, slim boddy, funny, gave the greatest head Chan has had in his life and he knew every tiny detail about him. Meanwhile Felix was perfection into a person: muscular, lean body, raspy, deep voice, pretty smile, cute freckles, killer fashion style. Both had such great qualities but were so different at the same time.

If he stood around to compare the two his brain would have short circuited.

-

Seungmin stood in his own apartment, alone, consumed by the thoughts and drown by the ongoing tears. His heart ached so much. Nothing could replace the last scene in his head, that scared expression on his friend's face after confessing his feelings for him reminded him why it was the biggest mistake of his life.

He didn't know what Chan triggered that time to make him lash out like that, but the truth was out and there was nothing else to do about it anymore. His childhood friendship slipped out of his grip in just a second of wakefulness.

The TV played a show in the background to fill the silence in his heart. Sweet melodies, followed by fireworks and a loving kiss displayed on the big screen. The two characters had just shared their first kiss in front of the stairs of one's faculty. Seungmin watched them blankly.

"I guess Phum didn't push Peem away as I got pushed away today, huh? What a life I am living!" Seungmin groaned into his pillow.

Heavy sighs filled the rest of the night. Loneliness and sadness lingered stronger than ever in his home.

Morning came quicked than he hoped for. He was done with life, but life wasn't done with him. He still had to mantain the job he had. He pushed his depression to the side for then and dragged his tired and sleeplezs body to work.

It was awfully quiet when there was nobody on the other line of an annoyingly long call trying to get him to agree on a night out. The regret sunk deeper.

Not many hours into his work and his phone light up with a couple messages from an unknown number.

>'Is this Seungmin? I am Hwang Hyunjin, close friend of Lee Felix.'

'What the... What does an acquaintance of Felix's even want from me?' Thought Seungmin.

He was skeptical of answering before another message popped up. This one sparked an interest.

>'I belive we both fall under the same category behind Felix and Chan's relationship.'

Now Seungmin wanted to know what this Hwang Hyunjin guy wanted from him.

>'Hi? I am listening to what you have to say.'
Seungmin replied.

Hyunjin went silent for a moment. The screen didn't show any signs of a person being active so Seungmin tossed his phone aside to continue filling his head with work rather than thinming about his failed love.

An hour or so passed before a colleague of Seungmin's called for him downstairs.

"Mr. Kim? Someone is in the lobby requesting to speak with you immediately."

His chest tightened. The possibility of the person being Chan wasn't low, but he never waited in the lobby of his building where everyone could see him. Chan was too faimous for that, no. He only waited outside, in the back or even the bathroom. And he always called before coming.

Seungmin approached the lobby downstairs as if he was approaching his death sentence, each step felt like he dragged his sins and mistakes with him.

The pain in his chest lightened when his eyes scattered the lobby to see there wasn't anybody familiar, just a tall, handsome guy with pretty short hair. The man spotted him as well amd flashed him a big smile before walking in his direction.

"Seungmin, right?" the man spoke.

"Who are you?"

The taller man smiled again.

"Sorry for not introducing myself first. I spoke to you earlier, I am Hwang Hyunjin."