I left my best friend a voicemail.
She refuses to listen it. I don't blame her. She found out her best friend killed herself and now she's left with the voicemail.
I watched her cry herself to sleep last night. She was hugging the stuffed giraffe I gave to her on her 13th birthday. She always loved giraffes.
When she got the news she thought it was a joke, thought people were trying to mess with her. She called my cell, called it approximately 45 times. Every Time she got my voicemail I could see her realize the reality of this situation, I watched her leave me a voicemail.
"Hey Ella, it's me your best friend. I got some interesting news. Remember when we would always share news? Even if it's something simple like your pet goldfish died and you wanted me to attend it's funeral. It's true isn't it? I'm going from attending your goldfishes funeral to your funeral." Her voice broke then, and I watched the tears fall as she took a deep breath in. "It's only been like an hour since I found out and I already miss you. Who am I going to binge watch criminal minds with now? Who's going to be my bridesmaid? Who's going to graduate high school with me? I had so much to look forward to with you. Did you not feel the same? God I miss you. I can't drag you to go shopping with me anymore. I can't meet at our locker before school so I can chat your ear off about Brad and how hopelessly in love with him I am. Where did I go wrong? I'm sorry I let you down. I'm sorry I was a shitty best friend." She hung up, sobbing so hard she couldn't breathe.
It broke my heart. It broke me to have too watch my best friend fall apart, to watch her blame herself for all of my faults.
She was so caught up with Brad, and he was a great boyfriend to her. She was in love, I was kinda pushed to the side. I didn't really care though, she was happy. I thought she would be okay, she has him after all. I thought my death wouldn't affect her so bad with him by her side. Holy hell was I wrong.
I wish I could hear her lovely voice dragging on about Brad while I stare at her lovestruck expression with a small smile, happy she's so incredibly happy.
I miss my best friends love
