My Fucked up Thoughts

Endless Cycles

When you know your close, but far away... When you leave into your other world. Makes the waves take over your mind. I guess that now... Instead of being connected by fleelings in emotions, we are connected by codding. Sending one message to another. Using some stickers to try to reflect what we mean to express. To try to show how you feel towards something. We hide behind a screen. A light, shining over our faces. Code and pixels, showing ourselves to others. We portray pictures... And sometimes make us think that they are memories. Which, they do reflect our smiles... They do reflect the people we were with... But they don't really reflect everything that happened.

We share the pictures... Telling the world who we were with and what we did. Happy to show the world that we had actually done something with our lives. But... Why do we post when we are happy? Why do we post to show the world? Is this to portray our image? To try to make the world satisfied of us... Satisfied of what we were doing. Satistied of how we look.

We look good for the public. We talk about how food and Netflix is amazing and blah blah blah... I mean, why not do something fun that will stay with you forever? Why just escape to a TV show or a movie... It's baisically like a book... Now that I think of it... Its an escape from our problems. The things that haunt us in the world, in our heads, in our own thoughts. Its an escape... But it wont last forever. We will have to face it. Why not become our own reaserchers in our minds? Why not try to find ways to battle it? Why not take control? Because we are scared. Because we, want to take the waves in our minds... Because, its like a drug. Conecting through the way of social media. Trying to convince the others that we are okay. That we have no problems. And by doing that, we think it will make us convince ourselves.

But it doesn't. Because the voice in our head keeps howling, screaming as its fighting alone... As its slowly dimminishing without your help.... As the monsters that your mind had created, become more and more powerful, more and more destructive. And as we, get weaker and weaker. We fall in the endless loop of depression.

I had seen somewhere that when we think positively, things start becoming better around us, and we, start doing better things for others. And, this, only happends by the change of perspective. As thinking positively, makes us go into the endless cycle of happiness. But in this world we had built, in the society that we had created, it makes it so easy for all of our perspectives to change from good to bad with the snap of our fingers. And it's the same thing with thinking negivively. When you change your views to always negitave, things start getting worse for us. We start pulling away from others. We start wearing a mask to make others think that we are okay. And, we get isolated. We stop oppening up to others, and they start leaving our side. We are left alone, at the time that we need others the most. And this, makes us fall in a state of despair, unhopefulness... A state we call depression. And we fall into the never ending loop of depression.

This sickness, comes so slowly that we don't even see it coming. Sometimes, it is triggered by a momment, sometimes it's triggered by an emotion... But turning this whole thing around.... Trying to get lifted up from rock bottom... That's what's mostly impossible. And when we realize that we cant fight this anymore, we realize that its all going to come down. We finally see that we need someone to help us... We see that it's impossible to let someone in. That when we were stuck in isolation, we had built our walls too high... And we decide to accept that it's all over. We are still mostly healthy... Well physically... But in our minds, we have seen that we will die. Just knowing that our last weak punches will do nothing but weaken us even more. We need to take control... But how? How take control of what has been burried deep in our thoughts. These beautiful memories, patched up by the wost our minds could create. As hell, is patched up with good intentions, our minds, might as well be patched up with horrible creations.

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