Attention「jikook 」

1.

Jimin's POV
(September 17th, 2015)

So today we're going to film this show called "Weekly Idol" and I'm super excited since this is our first time appearing on tv! I hear that it's a very popular show, although i've never watched it. I wonder what they'll have us do..?

Anyway, I hope it's fun.

I stand up as the lady finishes applying product to my face, wincing from the pain in my tailbone due to sitting for so long.

I vigorously tap my fingers against the table, looking around. I see the other members getting their hair and makeup done.

When everyone is finished, we head through the hallway as the team (big hit) wishes us luck, I flash a smile at them and head into the van with the others.
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"..You need to at least have one thing your good at! Rapping, Dancing and now this? After seeing you I bet I could join Bangtan!" One of the hosts laughs.

On second thought,

This isn't much fun. All they're really doing is making fun of us.

And we're just laughing it off now, but... it's easy to see how hurt everyone is under their 'smiling' faces. All of us are trying hard not to reveal our disappointment.

After all, we are on television. We can't let the fans down.

This has to stay professional.

"He just has this familiar look to him, he looks just like our staff! Doni? Why don't you join Bangtan instead of Jimin?"

Ouch.

'Well I hope, this is over soon.'
I think as I grin with laughter, trying to hide how uncomfortable I am.

-------
After arriving home, I could help but question myself and my abilities after all that teasing. I just couldn't stop thinking about it. It's like that time when someone pissed you off at school, but you didn't do anything about it and you're just left..unsatisfied. Thinking 'I should've done this' or 'I should've said that'. But it all could've been avoided if you actually did it.

'Am I really the least attractive out of all the members?'

It seemed like I wasn't the only one upset about what happened earlier in the day. I could've sworn I heard a few cries from Yoongi-hyung in the shower.

Watching everyone else working even harder than before only makes me want to push myself further. Be the best I can be you know?
-----

Then finally. After weeks of practicing more and more, working harder than everyone else, I finally feel productive.

But is it really making a difference?
God, when it comes down to it, I still can't keep up with everyone else..

Once we reach home after a long day at the Big Hit dance studio, I immediately pull out my laptop and sit on my bed, bouncing slightly from the sudden movement. I run my fingers over the sleek front before opening the screen.

I come across my home screen with few icons. (other than my documents, and Internet browser)
My hand moves the mouse to the symbol in the bottom left corner.

Just out of curiosity, of course, I decided to look up a few videos. You know, do a little investigating? To see what people really thought about us, about Bangtan. I wanted see myself through their eyes and in their perspectives.

But it kind of just confirmed my insecurities.

I didn't even think my 'slight' show of affection towards Jungkook was very noticeable.

I don't even know about that. I feel a strange attraction towards him; maybe because he's younger and I want to protect him, or maybe it's because he's perfect and he's everything I could ever want to be.

Or it could be his gorgeous hair that always seems to look good no matter the style, color or length. His adorable eyes that curve upward every time he smiles. Or his adorable bunny teeth and tantalizing grin. His style, his individuality.  The way he always gets my jokes, and always knows what to say and when to say it. His gentle touch, his raging passion. His talent, his hard work..
Him.. He himself is perfection.

I didn't realize how focused I was on ranting about how perfect Jungkook was until I felt a sweat drop run down the side of my face.

Using my balled fist to wipe it away, I began to zone out again.

I didn't know anymore.. I was confused about how I felt. And I'm not one to get super dramatic, (AN: HAHA THATS WHAT HE THINKS FOR NOWWW) But I don't think I'm even good enough for him honestly. But that doesn't really matter since I know he could never feel the same way.

I mean,

Despite how close we are..
I bet he only thinks of me as his older brother.  We spend so much time together. Those late night walks, playing video games until we collapsed. I told him about my insecurities, and he even helped me with vocals and dancing! We practiced for hours and I keep hoping that means something.

I keep telling myself that it means something.

But even getting to spend time with him is enough for me.

After that day, I became addicted to this 'investigating' of mine. Even though I knew it was going to disappoint me, make me insecure and discourage me, I still did it anyway.
Everyday.
Hoping I would find something that would boost my self confidence.

But it's only getting harder. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep, no matter how hard I try. Sweaty and with a racing heart.

and It keeps racing, and racing, like there's no end to it.

But, I've found a solution!
I found him.

I always look for Jungkook, he
usual- no, always knows what to say. Sometimes it's not even spoken, but is conveyed through his actions. Always comforting and gentle, assuring me that things will get better.

He acts so mature for his age, it kind of scares me. Thinking about how, someday we're all going to be separated.. it really makes my heart ache.

If only those happy 'pre-debut' days could've lasted a little longer..

________

As you can see.. I used their first appearance on weekly idol as reference. I was pretty upset about how they treated the members at the time, so I thought it would be good to use in the story. I'm glad that they treated them better in the newer episodes.

Please look forward to the next chapter and don't forget to star and comment when ever you can! Thank you for reading!

EDIT:
Yay! Finished editing the first chapter again. And I've started adding time stamps to the beginning of the chapters. (I feel like it gives it a diary feel) Just a heads up,

💙IMPORTANT💙:
A dash line "-----" means a time skip. (But a shorter amount of time/not so important that I need to write another time stamp)