Attention「jikook 」

8.

Jimin's POV
(August 2nd, 2016)

---that night---
"Jeon Jungkook." The name so familiar to my tongue, from all the nights I've spent thinking about him.

I get his attention, watching him turn to look at me.

"Why did you volunteer to kiss Taehyung?" I angrily interrogated.

"..." He stays silent. Just staring, as if he's at a loss for words. He makes it seem like I'm the bad guy for asking the question.

"Don't you love me?" I say loudly. I don't really care if the other members can hear, I have my priorities set. 'All those flowery words he said to me couldn't be lies..could they?'

It almost been a year since we confessed, and I don't want it to end, not yet, not ever.

I'm really hoping he still loves me.
I part of me doesn't want him to answer because I'm to scared to hear what he thinks. I'm scared to grow apart.

"Well?" I give one final push, hoping, praying he'll say "Yes, of course". But the longer he takes to answer, the more I start to doubt that possibility.

"..." He looked down. His dark hair covering his eyes.

"Answer me!" I yell, tears threatening to burst.

"Look, I didn't even love you in the first place! The only reason I told you I loved you was so you wouldn't leave the group!" He yells back. Then, he covers his mouth, like it was something we wasn't supposed to say.

My heart sunk and suddenly it was hard to breathe.

"Sorry, Jin hyung.." He whispers.

'What? Jin? What is he talking about?' I question to myself as I start backing away from him.

He suddenly looks up at me again, with those...obsidian eyes that used to hold so much "fake" love for me. And as if he finally remembered that I was here, he reached out to me.

"Wait Jimin, let me explain-"

"No, don't touch me. I can't believe you did this! The Jungkook that I know...the Jungkook that I fell in love with is gone! I'm so stupid for thinking you actually cared about me!" I yelled in his face as I ran away from him.

Once again, everything seemed to move in slow motion, just like earlier that night. As I sprinted down the long hallways of the hotel we were staying at, the doors seemed to blur, and suddenly I was back at our dorm. The number 197 flashed by, extremely fast, but I still caught it. That's right. Thinking back to the time just before Jungkook and I started dating, Jin was there when I picked up Jungkook from his room.

But what does Jin have to do with this? Don't tell me it was him who came up with this sick idea.

Was he was just confirming their plan?

No words could describe how betrayed I felt. What if the whole group knew about it and they were just going along with the plan? What if Taehyung was just trying to make me jealous for his own amusement? What if Jungkook also thought it was amusing... and volunteered just to get a reaction, like he did just now?

No way. Was it really a joke? These months we spent together, all the stories we told each other, the late night cuddling, the trips to cafes just because we wanted to get out of the studio, were those all just attempts to make sure the wouldn't lose one of their 'precious' members? My whole body was pulsing with anger. He took advantage of me at my weakest point. He was all I had, and he knew it! He knew how insecure and lonely I felt and he used it to their advantage. That's so fucked up.

"Wait!" I hear Jungkook call from afar.

'Like hell I'll listen to you, you liar! I can believe I trusted you. I never want to see your face again!' I think to myself, although I'd rather scream it in his face.

I spare him one last glance. He looks me right in the eye, but suddenly stops for some reason, several feet away from where I am. I couldn't help but wonder why, but I turn around and continue to my room anyway. At least he wasn't chasing after me anymore...Or did I want him to chase after me? I slam the door behind myself as I enter my room, making sure to lock it in the process.

I hadn't even realized the tears rolling down my cheeks until I pass by the mirror on my vanity. I looked terrible, I feel terrible. I just couldn't hold myself back from punching that reflection of mine, a loud shattering sound filled the air. I'm such an idiot! How could I believe him. The entire group! They're full of bullshit!

I look at my bloody hands, cut from the shards of broken glass. But I was so emotionally drained that I couldn't even feel the pain. Let alone care enough to clean it up.

There it was.
That disgusting feeling that stays at the pit of your abdomen. A mix of wanting to throw up, feeling sick to your stomach and anticipation all at the same time. Except it was everywhere.

My head is pounding and my heart feels like it's no longer beating. It honestly feels like I'm gonna die.

and now that I've felt the complete opposite of this feeling, it's seems 100x worse.

I don't know how long I was crying for, but it felt like the sobs only got louder as time went by, so I eventually passed out.

I told myself that I never wanted to feel that way again. So I'm gonna make sure that happens.

And the first step is to get out of here.