Attention「jikook 」

9.

Jimin's POV
(August 7th, 2016)

It's 4am and I've decided that it time. Now is my chance to get out of here, and run away from all the pain.

Of course, I waited until the filming of Rookie king was finished. I still acted the same, but the smiles were all fake, and I didn't talk to Jungkook or anyone else outside of filming. I'm really good at acting, after all, I've been doing it ever since this damn group debuted.

But now, I finally have a chance. I don't even know where I'm going, but I'm sure I'll figure it out once I get there.

I've come to a realization that there's no way in hell Jungkook would ever feel the same way. I was stupid to think he could! My feelings shifted from betrayal and sadness, to anger and disappointment last night.

And I didn't get a wink of sleep.

I'm writing a letter to him right now, to tell him how I feel, since I know he'll come searching.

Dear Jungkook,

I'm leaving the group. I'm sorry if this upsets you., but your stupid little plan didn't work, sorry!

I'm beginning to think that confessing and getting rejected by you would've been less painful than this. Knowing how little you all care about me...I can't live with you guys anymore. Not after all this.
I mean, how would you expect me to act the same, or worse, pretend this never happened?

Do you understand how much I love you? So much. SO MUCH. You don't know how long I dreamt of this to happen. How many fantasies I've had of you possibly saying a simple "i love you" to me... I'm so gullible. I fell in love with a different person than who you actually are. I never thought Jungkook was the type to deceive. I thought you were someone I could trust. Not some sadistic, manipulative boyfriend. After all we've been through together.. After all I've told you, all of those times we spent together, did it even mean anything to you? I could've sworn, that those times when you comforted me, those sincere words, the warm hugs... were real.

But I guess that was asking for too much. I thought that maybe once, once in my entire crappy life after joining this fucking group, it would feel worth it.

I don't think I can ever hate you, but I can try. And if there's anything I learned from this entire experience, its that I never stop trying.

Don't you dare look for me.

- Jimin

I tip toe down the hall. Stopping before room 197, the memories flowing into my mind.

Tears brim the corners of my eyes.

'Don't think to much Jimin, you have to be strong.'

I take a deep breath and turn the door knob.

I snuck into his dark room, and left the letter on the messy desk beside his bed. I can see his sleeping form, though it's pitch black.

I took a moment to look at him, admiring those gentle, yet masculine features I had memorized.

I turn to him and give him one last kiss on the forehead. "I really hate you, ya know?" As a single tear, drops down the side of my face.

_____________

I sprinted to the train station.
I passed a bridge nearby and started to have second thoughts about what I was about to do.

'Should I really do this?'

'Am I being ungrateful right now?'

I mean, I'm part of a famous K-pop group aren't I? Shouldn't I be grateful to even be here? If I really loved Jungkook I shouldn't be greedy and force myself into his life.

Just as I turned and started to walk back, an image of yesterday flashed in my head. An image of Jungkook staring shamefully at the floor, as if his biggest secret had been revealed. As if his mom finally took it upon herself to clean 'underneath his bed.'

'If its causing me this much pain do I really want to go back? Pain is nothing to be grateful for.. Yes, I'm part of a famous group, but for what cost? My happiness? I don't think so. Why would I spend my time suffering in a place where I'm not appreciated, when I could be doing better things?'

"Eh? Fuck it." I chanted to myself as I turned back and walked to the train station.

I board the train heading towards my hometown, and end up falling asleep.

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Look forward to the next chapter,
Thank you for reading!! ^.^