Hidden Memories

Part four

Groggily I opened my eyes and sat bolt upright when I saw the time.  The clock displayed 7:30.  I’m going to be late for my first lesson on Bear!  How cliché.  I must have forgotten to set my alarm last night.  I whipped my blankets off, and my bare feet hit the floor running.  I will NOT be late!  Blindly stumbling into my riding outfit I had carefully set out the night before, I sprinted out the front door, snatching a banana from the pile on the counter.  I didn’t brush my teeth, I thought.  Oh well.  I checked my watch 7:35.  I dashed up the steep hill to the barn while inhaling my banana.  I snatched Bear from his stall, and madly started brushing him.  He looked around as if to say, “What got into you?”  I ignored him, and 15 minutes later, he stood thoroughly groomed and tacked up with his bridle and saddle on, and I looked like a wreck.  Even this early, the blistering Florida heat had wiggled its way through the barn and bathed everything in fever.  I ran the cool, refreshing hose over my face and arms, and smoothed my now flat hair, as I donned my helmet.  I checked my watch once again.  Seven-Fifty it blinked back at me.  I looked up and Kelly came sauntering into the barn.  “Good, you are ready,” she exclaimed airily.  “Follow me.”  She completely ignored or didn’t realize that I had been rushing around, and I remained glad of it.  She led the way to the indoor arena.  My stomach churned as I nervously trailed behind her.  I will NOT mess up! I chided myself.  Once inside the slightly cooler indoor arena, I led Bear next to the mounting block, and quickly slid onto his back.  To my surprise, he remained quiet and relaxed.  “Seems like he has been ridden before.  We will see how much he knows,” Kelly smiled up at me reassuringly, and patted my leg.  I gathered my reins, and signaled for him to walk on.  He did as asked.  For the next fifteen minutes, Kelly had me work on having him relax and bend.  He responded beautifully.  Kelly called out, “I think it’s time for some trotting!”  I squeezed his belly and he swiftly bounded into a huge, fancy trot.  I still wasn’t quite sure if I could trust him in the saddle yet.  “Try to encourage him to bend more, and be on the bit,” Kelly called.  After a few minutes she beckoned me to canter him.  I slid my outside leg back and pressed into his side.  He fluidly transitioned from the trot, and I could feel myself relaxing into the rocking-horse rhythm.  My earlier nervousness melted away as a rush of sheer joy coursed through my veins.  I could hardly keep from laughing aloud!  We had finally “clicked” and Bear remained attentive the whole ride, responding immediately to every move or signal I gave him.  Everything else faded away, and I focused on the living, breathing animal beneath me.  His powerful muscles rippled, and churned.  His ears flicked back and forth, focusing intently on me.  We were flying; I could touch the clouds.  I sensed Bear’s strength start to fade slightly, and I reluctantly brought him back down to a walk, and only then did I notice that Kelly’s usually bright and bubbly face turned pale, and kind of distant.  “Kelly,” I called, “Are you alright?”  “Yes,” she paused, “I’m fine.” She shook her head as if to clear it.  She resumed her professional pose and called, “Please take him over the jump in the corner.”  I signaled Bear to canter again, and I settled into the flowing, smooth gait, and felt myself molding into his graceful, powerful body.  I turned him towards the jump.  Suddenly his stride faltered, and he began to slow. A voice inside me screamed.   No, no, something is wrong!  I ignored it and squeezed him forward, and in one giant bound, he catapulted over the jump.  Fear surged through his tensed body, and he started to shake.  His nostrils flared.  He tossed his head nervously from side to side...I could hardly keep him from running out of the ring.  I worked the reins in a gentle back and forth motion and spoke soothingly to him. Finally he slowed to a semi walk.   He was terrified of that jump!  The same voice screamed at me.  You shouldn’t have taken him over it.  He trusted you.  I wondered what had happened to him to make him so tentative and afraid of the jumps.  I dismounted, and led him to the center of the ring where Kelly silently stood.  She appeared white as a ghost and continually glanced back and forth between me and Bear.  “Is anything wrong?  You look like you are going to be sick,” I assumed concerned.  Kelly kept mumbling, “It’s him.  It’s him.  I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.  I can’t believe it.”  I tried to figure out what she meant, but couldn’t come up with anything.  “What do you mean?”  I probed. She looked up at me in fright and disbelief and whispered, “That’s Claire’s horse…the one that flipped over the jump and killed her.” 

“Who is Claire?”  I asked, very confused. 

“Claire is our late daughter I told you about earlier.  All of these signs that I ignored over the weeks that we have had him.  Same coat color, height, the right age.  When I saw you riding him, and you clicked,” she paused and a sob fell through her open lips, “It brought back a wave of memories of Claire riding him, and a picture flashed through my mind…you looked so similar together…you and Bear.  I wanted to make sure I wasn’t being irrational, and asked you to take him over the jump.  I knew with an accident like he had before, he would be terrified, and rough to control afterwards.  He is.  I can’t believe this.  We can’t have this horse here.  He’s unsafe!  I don’t want anyone hurt, and it would be my fault if I let him stay.  I don’t want you killed as well as my Claire.  We need to get rid of him immediately.”  Sobs racked Kelly’s body as she pointed to Bear.  Mark overheard the shouting, and rushed through the doors of the indoor arena.  He stopped as he heard the last words of his wife. 

“Why do you want to sell him honey?”  Mark asked soothingly.

“He is dangerous, and we can’t have him in the barn.” Sobbed Kelly.

  Mark supplied gently, “I know a gentleman who might want him.  He specializes in scared and hurt horses.  I’ll call him now and set up an appointment.” He gently rubbed Kelly’s back.

“Wait, please, let’s think it over?  He is MY horse!  Don’t make a split decision right now just because he killed your daughter!”  I regretted my words as soon as they escaped my mouth, but I loved Bear, and would go to any extent to keep him.  Kelly stopped her raving, and looked at me in surprise.  Mark stood gaping at me with his eyes wide in shock.

“Young lady, you have no part in this decision.  Please take Bear to his stall, and untack him.” Said Mark.  I obeyed his commands, and started walking towards the doors of the ring.  I could hear Kelly explaining what happened and how she found out Bear turned out to be Claire’s old horse to the dumbfounded Mark.  I shakily pushed the doors open, and started thinking up plans and excuses to let Bear stay.  I brooded over them as I brushed him down, and settled on my final plan: We could keep Bear, if exclusively I rode him, we wouldn’t jump fences, and I would always have someone with me when I rode him.  Sounded safe to me!  Mark strode into the barn, tightly grasping Kelly’s hand.  Kelly had tear-stains trickling down her cheeks.    Before either of them had time to speak, I proposed my plan to them.  They seemed to think it over, but then Mark told me theirs.

“Kelly and I feel extremely bad, because Bear really is your horse, so we won’t be selling him,” All of the tension flowed out of my blood, and I felt my face soften.  “BUT, you, or anyone else, will not, under any circumstances ride him.  At all.  Did I make myself crystal clear?”

“Yes,” I mumbled.  This turned out worse than my plan.

“Good.”  Kelly forced a tearful smile.  “You know, it’s hard for us too,” she whispered.  Mark draped his arm around her protectively and gently guided her outside. 

I slumped in my disappointment.  Bear startled behind me as I hurled the brush I had been holding against the stall door.  I felt tears pricking the back of my eyes, but I quickly shoved them away.  Tough girls like me don’t cry.  The excitement of riding Bear again?  Abandoned.  As soon as they were out of sight, I sank to the ground.  My hands came up to cradle my throbbing head.  Bear seemed to sense my disappointment and gingerly nudged my boot.  Suddenly, an idea began to form in my mind.  It certainly was not going to be that easy to keep me from riding Bear.  I smirked.  My new plan was perfect.