Take away the Numb

Numb

Cameron holds Kirsten tight on the bed as Ayo finishes rapping up her wrist; everyone is silent, afraid to speak. Camille stands at the foot of the bed still teary eyed, worried out of her mind. Linus holds her tight trying to reassure her that Kirsten is going to be fine. Though you can her Camille mumble under her breath, "You weren't there". She looks up at Linus looking him dead in the eye she whispers oh so slightly, "That girl wasn't the Kirsten we know, but I don't believe it was all just residual emotion... the pain in here eyes was just all too real". Linus doesn't say anything, just holds Camille tighter. Ayo excuse herself saying she'll check on Kristen tomorrow morning and all Kirsten needs is to rest. Kirsten who had be silent for hours now quietly asked if Linus and Cameron would leave for a bit she wanted to be alone with Camille. They respected her wishes and left to the living room. Camille walks over to Kirsten and sits next to her in bed. Kirsten looks at her with hopeless eyes before breaking down crying, "What's happening to me". Camille holds her tight, "I don't know kid, but I promise you won't go through it alone". Camille had finally got her family she'd always dreamed of and she felt like it was getting ripped out of her hands. Kirsten held onto her like a helpless child holding on to her last glimmer of hope.

Kirsten looked at her wrist, "I don't know why I did it". Camille gave her weak sadden smile, "That's okay". Kirsten gulped and took a deep breath "It wasn't residual emotion". Camille's head shot up at her and Kirsten continues, "It was Cameron". Unaware to either of them Cameron is spying from the hallway. "How did Cameron cause this, I though you never got to his apartment" Camille asked confused. Kirsten looks down, "I don't know how to explain it, but I saw him with that girl we spied on and I don't know I felt betrayed and sad... just like Erika felt when she would see Shane and Anna". Camille looks at her with concern, "Go on".

Kirsten wipes the tears from her eyes, "I've never felt that kind of emotion before, it was like someone had ripped my heart out and I couldn't control this pain". Kirsten takes a deep breath and looks Camille dead in the eye, "I wanted to control the pain... I wanted to control it... I may not be able to control Cameron being taken away from me... Cameron hurting me... but I could control this and that gave me some relief from all the emotions". Camille holds Kirsten tighter felling horrible that Kirsten was going through this. Kirsten looks down at her thighs; "Erika made herself numb for years before she meet Shane... Shane was the one thing that made her feel... but she never really knew if that was good or bad... cause the same way he could save and make her happy... he could destroy her and make her crazy... yet even though it would seem like this was a hell for her she called him her angel". Kirsten broke down a bit more as she began, "Stitching into Erika was a gift and a curse because I had never stitched into some who was even close to understanding how hard it is to deal with new emotions...but Erika was different... she understood what is was like to be numb cause she was numb... she didn't understand emotion she didn't understand crying to her they were all foreign... She would analyze everything... she didn't know emotion..." Camille holds Kirsten tighter as Kirsten cries immensely. Kirsten takes a deep breath, "Cameron's the one thing that lets me actually feel any sort of emotion... just like Shane did for Erika... but just like Erika I cant tell if its good or bad." She looked up at Camille with blood shot eyes, "Erika cut not just to control but to feel something... she wanted the numbness to go away... and she thought the blade could take it away." Kirsten cried harder and Camille just held her tight, in such a shock she didn't know how to respond. Kirsten looks down at her bandaged wrist then back up at Camille, "I don't want to be numb anymore".Kirsten starts hysterical crying harder, holding on to Camille for dear life.

Cameron walked slowly away from the door hating himself, he's why she did that. He had promised to always be there for her and he wasn't. They could have lost her today one wrong cut and she could have been dead. The girl he loves with all his heart could have been gone. He punches the wall, leavening a fist size hole and Linus comes up to see what happen. But Cameron ignores him and goes for a walk. Kirsten was so confused and lost; and he wasn't there to help. To busy on a small date he had made with a girl who truly meant nothing compared to Kirsten. "Ugh I'm so fucking stupid" yells a Cameron as he realizes how much he hurt Kirsten. He sits down in front of Kirsten's house and takes out his phone. He looks at the pictures of her he has smiling at each one. He stops at the one Camille sent him of her in the wedding dress. Under his breath whispers, " I could have lost you"

After about a few minutes Cameron gets the courage to come back in side. Linus is helping Camille fix the hole in the wall while Kirsten in sitting in the dinning room. She had put on a sweeter, but had kept the shorts on due to Ayo's request. As she saw Cameron approach her she frantically tugged on the sleeves and pulled the sweeter down to hide her bandages. She was ashamed, making Cameron felt even more guilty. He had made her crazy enough to do this and now he also made her feel ashamed about herself. Cameron sits down and pulls her onto his lap. She is very cool and distant towards him. "Princess?", he whispers softly in her ear. She ignores him and doesn't move. he wishers again, "Don't leave me". Still no response; he likes lips, a little nervous. he kisses he on the cheek then once moer he whispers gently," I love you".