You don't always get what you wish for

I am here for you

I woke up and started thinking about everything that happened and yesterday. And as I got ready for school I contemplated on whether I should text Kaden and tell him that I wanted him to walk with me to my bus stop. I don't have anyone I could trust to walk with me there and idk what plan my ..father.. has for me so I needed someone to at least comfort me. But I don't want Kaden to get hurt trying to protect me.
Just as I was about to make me some pancakes I received a text from Kaden and he asked if I wanted him to pick me up and bring me to school. Hmmmm. I thought. How do you tell a boy that you like that you want him to protect you but you don't want him getting hurt while doing it. Suddenly I got angry. Why does my father have to ruin everything just when I find a boy that I like, I can't date because he is gonna get dragged into my family issues.
I texted him back saying yeah but make sure he parks two houses down from my house. After eating my pancakes I grabbed my backpack and went outside and walked looking everywhere for any signs of me being followed and that's when I saw his car and hopped in.
"Hey thanks for coming to get me." I said as he rode the car down the street.
"Your welcome and I couldn't dare let you walk to the bus stop by yourself with no one there to watch and keep an eye out on you."
"Ik it's just that I know my dad has someone following me, but umm I guess its time for me to just .... Umm..." I began I need to tell him to leave me alone for awhile because I didn't want him to get hurt. But I just feel like somehow I need him .....
"Go ahead I'm listening." He said stopping at a light and putting his whole focus on me.
Somehow I got lost into his eyes and I could tell that what I would tell him would hurt him. I know he is the right one for me I just don't know what to do. I guess I have to tell him.
"Kaden I have seen some in you that I havent seen before in any guy who claims they like me. I know your the right one for me but I can't continue this....this whatever it is. If you continue to love and protect me you will get hurt and I never want you to be involved in this predicament. I just better end things now before it gets any farther." I said trying not to let a tear fall out of my eyes.
Once he heard this he stopped the car at the gas station near the school. And took my hands and looked me in my eyes and he said, "Kiyara I don't care what I have to do to protect you I will do it. I care and love you too much. And I know that I might be crazy for loving you so early but I can't help it. Your always on my mind and always keep a smile on my face and I can't leave you in this situation alone. Nancy, Claire, Lloyd, and I already said we would do our best to help you. And I'm not gonna leave you because I made that promise to myself to not let you go through this on your own. You need my help just as much as I need yours. This is my only chance to show my sister....wherever she is ...that I can protect someone since I couldn't protect her."
He said with tears falling out of his eyes. He took that moment and he just cried and I felt sorry for him and his sister but now is not the right time to ask about what happened to her. I even had tears coming out of my eyes because he made it his duty to protect me and I know that I can't change his mind. And that he will protect me until... He can't anymore...... It just hurts me to see how a person would rather take away their life just to save another ones. And now he wants to take this chance to show his sister that he can do it.
"I'm sorry Kaden I didn't know ... I just didn't want you to lose your life because of me. If you die I would never forgive myself." I said and he nodded saying he understood and still looked down sadly. I took his chin and said I am here for you and he wiped the tears in my eyes and we just stared at each other's eyes and then he looked down at my lips and I knew that this kiss would have actually happened. He brought my face closer and we both leaned in and I closed my eyes waiting. And just as our lips were gonna meet the school bell rung and we just realized that we were gonna be late.
So he hurried and parked and we ran to the door. I could tell that it would be awkward today because we wanted to kiss but we didn't. I'm not gonna lie that made me so mad cuz I felt like the kiss was bound to happen. It was soooo the right moment and I don't know when the next moment would come again.
The whole day all I could think about is Lloyd and my mom because I didn't want him to bust up in the house or their job and try to pull some off. But it was finally lunch time and it was just me and the girls talking about the upcoming prom like we have been doing for the past month. We decided to go shopping today after school. Then they asked me if I had gotten any clues from my father and I said no. Then we decided that we would have to find out some information from Lloyd on the letters my dad wrote. And then from there we would see what to do next. Finally Kaden came to lunch and he sat by us which was at first kind of awkward cuz he told everyone hey and then turned in my direction to look at me. All we did was just stare at each other until we were interrupted by my friends talking. He sat down and we all got engaged on random topics until the bell rung. Time for english.
Today the teacher told us to write a poem or recite a poem that speaks about feeling trapped and automatically ik what I was gonna write. After I was done I thought about volunteering and I thought well why not it'll surprise everyone in the room anyways. So the teacher picked on me with a look of disbelief, but quickly tried to hide it. So I went up to the front of the classroom and just as I was gonna say some. Nicky wants to be rude and say that I was gonna talk about me being a slut and getting caught so I'm "trapped". So I went quietly and then I realized that she wants me to be miserable so I wasn't gonna show her that side anymore. So I ignored her and said yeah that she was right and the slut was named nicky. When I said that it shut her right up.
Then I started,"This is a song from Nina Simone called Blackbird, but I'll recite on if the verses as a poem." And just as I started a boy named Wayne told me to sing it since it was a song. And everyone agreed. I mean I knew how to sing but I only sung to myself so this was going to be challenging but for some reason I decided to sing.
" umm.. OK ...why you wanna fly blackbird you aint never gonna fly why you wanna fly black bird you ain't never gonna fly. Well your momma's name was lonely and your daddy's name was pain and they called you little sorrow cuz you'd never love again you ain't got no one to hold you you ain't got no one to care so why you wanna fly blackbird you ain't never gonna flyyyyyy."
I opened my eyes to see the class in astonishment because they didn't know I would really sing. I looked at Nicky who was low key jealous.
"Wow that was good and now can you tell me how that song connects to 'trap'. " the teacher said.
" well.... Um first off ... There is more to the song but basically I cut it short. And it basically connects to most people's life. Its like you just feel like you have to give up mostly because of a situation or a person that made you feel like you can't do it. The bird wants to fly, but it can't because it's consumed with loneliness, pain, and sorrow. The bird, like us, cannot elevate in life because of the the obstacles we face in our life allowing the feelings to break us down." I explained realizing that the poem basically talks about my life.
The teacher jotted something down in her note book while I took my seat I started to think about the poem I read and thought. Should I just give up and let my father win???