Expendable

Chapter 3

I returned home on time; Nana had dinner ready. Pasta. It's what everyone eats today. We are us.
We have a world wide food shudule. I eat barely tasting nothing. Pasta is every Wednesday, I'm sick of it. But I eat and smile for Nanna. I tried to not to let my mind antagonize me with the words my kidnappers had said. But it chewed on my mind infecting and spreading until it was all I could think about. Until if I didn't know the truth it would drive me mad. "Nanna," I said suddenly my voice worried. She paused in eating and watched me. Worried. Eyes shiny with those stars again. "Nanna" my voice stronger this time. I don't give her any room to react. "Do I have a brother?" Her whole face shut down. Like a garage that revealed a car and was open, to watching it close and shut down with a solid seal. Nanna said nothing for a moment. an fear builded in me. "Tell me about my parents Nanna," I whispered demandingly. She's never told me anything. I never asked after I promised her to stop dreaming when I was young. She only told me that she was my Nanna and that they are gone for good. I dream and I've went back on my promise. I hid that secret. But I never knew or thought she would have any. We are us. Her bony hands started to shake as she put the fork down. "W-Where is all of this coming from?"
I narrowed my eyes at her. "Nanna, we don't lie to each other." That was a lie. Have you no shame? Is a secret a lie? No.
She sighed and shook her head. She sighed again, tired. "But we do keep secrets from each other..." She mumbled.
My heart hurts again. "Yes," she states finally. "Yes you did have a brother. a younger brother, your mother took him away when he was a baby and you were two, I could not keep you both..." She said honestly her voice tired and sorry. She gazed at me her eyes asking what she can't bring herself to ask. How did I find out... I remained quite for a second. "And my parents?" She reached to take my hand and I let her. She squeezed it affectionately. "Your father was taken before your brother was born but you never met him," she said tenderly. "He left your mother and she was like you. Only she couldn't control her dreaming and was put on the watch list, she left with your little brother in her arms and begged me to keep you and keep this hidden."

I felt tears slide down my cheeks like rivers. Constantly flowing. Spilling down my cheeks. My nanna squeezed my hand again. "Please don't cry, Quinn some things must be stored in the dark so that it can be drenched in light." Her warm hand eased most of the pain of this secret. "I should have known," she squeezed my hand "If I would have told you this when you were younger it would have been to much," she whispered voice heavy. " To pretend not to know and to stop the urge to dream? You were to young to handle it. Standas would have taken."
I frown. Upset. "You don't think I could have handled it? That I was strong enough? It would have given me hope," My voice was a bit angry and thick with sadness. My grandmother tucked my hair behind my ear. " sweetly you are strong, So very strong but even they fall weak" the tears blurred my vision till It felt like I was seeing through an unfocused microscope. I gasped for breath before I sobbed. My body shaking. I wrap my arms around myself. "Quinn" nanna said softly. She walked over and wrapped her arms around me. Holding me tight. "I had a bigger family nanna.. Mom was like me and I don't even remember her or my brother!" I breathed out.
Nanna rubbed my back. "You were two Quinn I would be suprised if you had," 

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It was hard to sleep that night. The city alarm went off two hours ago signaling us to go to bed and sleep. But I couldn't. Every night I dream. That was before Rez was taken. Now I have nightmares of him hurt. They don't happen every night but the thought of them scare me into staying up a bit longer. Dreams and nightmares are forbidden and so very illegal but there safer then day dreaming... I stare at the ceiling. Once a year there is a Thrill and only then can we ever experience dreams without Standas army. The thrill is a celebration of life. Arms crossed. Legs crossed and tangled in my cover. I tried to hold back my feelings. So I have a brother. A little one... I remember his anger. His ever green eyes flashing. I probably won't see him again. But didn't he realize how different he looked? How that could frighten me... Yes Rez was different on the inside like me but he looked like everyone on the outside. It's like if all you've known is bright and sunny days and that's what you have been told is the only thing good all your life. when you see snow for the first time your gonna freak the hell out. I saw different, not only in the inside but outside and I freaked. Totally understandable... But he looked at me as if I were a Standas.
I close my eyes finally giving up. I felt my body relax and sleep wrapped its darkness around me.