C A L U M
another day passes by, and i have failed to contact my friends. i'm sad lately, and i'm all alone. i haven't contacted my friends because they haven't even bothered to call me. i don't feel the same as i used to. things used to be so bright and sunny, metaphorically. now there's fog. it can get sunny some days, but there's always that fog. and no one ever tries to take me somewhere else away from the fog. i'm calum. i'm 22, i'm gay, and i'm lonely.
even though today is one of the bad ones, i finally decide to go out. i need some alcohol. it'll probably make things worse in the long run. but tonight, i can't stand to feel this bad anymore. maybe i'll call my friends, even though i'm forming a sadness and hate towards them. maybe i'll go out to the bar.
after a good 10 minutes of thinking and overthinking, i decide to call my friend, ashton.
the phone rings three times, and i hear a voice.
"hey!"
"hey, ashton! i'm so gl-"
"gotcha! leave a message after the beep."
oh. he declined my call?
i decide to call michael, even though he's probably with ashton.
"hey, calum."
"mikey, i'm sorry for not talking to you."
"calum, it's fine. i'm just kind of busy right now, alright? call you later."
"oh."
michael hangs up. i sit there, puzzled. you'd think they'd try to talk to me if i haven't talked to them. you'd think they'd be excited to hear from me. i told them what was wrong. you'd think they'd understand.
=
i'm at the bar, i ordered 2 shots and a beer. i'm surprised i'm even out. but i'm proud of myself.
i see the bartender take a glance at my wrists. i quickly cover them up. how the fuck am i 22, and still have scars? some of them are fairly new, like a year old, but still. i was 21 and i hurt myself? i'm weak. i'm pathetic. i'm all alone. i don't know why i didn't just en-
"hi, stranger. gonna drink those?" a stranger smiles at me.
"o-oh, y-yeah." i chuckle nervously. i must've been thinking there for a long time. i hide my eyes away from him.
"i might've just took them from you." he laughs, holding his own drink, which looks like whiskey.
i quickly down my vodka shots. i'm such a girl. weak.
"don't be so glum, stranger. can't i get your name?" he winks. he really is attractive. blue eyes, blonde hair, with some scruff as a beard. but he's probably not gay, you freak.
i close my eyes, trying to get the thoughts out of my head, and trying to build courage.
"i'm calum, who are you?" i smile.
"now there's that smile i like to see!" he smiles at me, warmly.
"i'm luke."
i take a sip of my beer, and he holds out his glass, and tips it with mine.
"cheers." he says, and walks away.
